A Red Pen

Chapter 9: Hatred, Help, Hope

Stiles has been having nightmares. Not just your typical, run of the mill, afraid of the darkness kind of nightmares, but the ones that have managed to pry so deeply into his subconscious in order to bring him the most pain by systematically targeting every one of his deep held fears. The kind where he wakes up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily as if the nightmare had cut off his contact with his lungs.

He tries to rationalise these nightmares as the latest of his pregnancy symptoms, all the hormones swirling around his body have caused a few things to go off kilter already so why not his dreams too? But at night, when he cannot sleep for fear of never waking up, he has to admit that it could be a sign of more. Staring at Derek's peaceful face, he knows that these nightmares are just scenarios he's already played over in his mind whilst awake. He imagines the baby ripping him apart, destroying his body, destroying his mind until he becomes a shell of the person he was. He dreams of waking up and finding to Derek gone, never to return. He thinks of his dad backtracking on his promises and throwing him out on the streets leaving him and the baby to die out there. Cold and alone and so broken. The worst of all is when he sees a world where his mother is still alive and she looks at him with such disdain, as if he's a great disappointment, as if he's unworthy of being her son. He always screams awake when he has that nightmare, Derek having to hold his thrashing arms down to stop him from tearing into himself.

Fun stuff.

This morning, two weeks after the first scan, he wakes up with a tear falling down his cheek after dream dad had called him "useless sack of shit". Thankfully, he's awake before Derek so he can reorient himself to appear slightly less emotionally traumatised. He gets out of bed to go splash some water on his face and brush his teeth. Derek appears just as he's finishing up.

"Are you still having nightmares? I heard you moaning a lot during the night," Derek asks, picking up his toothbrush from the holder. Whilst Stiles loves having Derek here, having him so close, the fact that Derek has now graduated to have his own place in the toothbrush holder is a testament to how crappy his parents are. They have tried to call, and one fateful night appeared at the door before the Sheriff turned them away with perhaps harsh but not inaccurate words concluding that Derek would get in touch when he was ready, but apart from that, Derek has had no contact. Even Stiles doesn't know exactly how Derek feels about it all. He seems to think that his feelings should take second place to Stiles' currently. Just because he's pregnant doesn't make him any better than anyone else. In fact, to some, it makes him inferior. Fuck those people. But Stiles does need to ask Derek about his parents more in case he does change his mind and wants to see them. Stiles wouldn't blame him. They may be total asswipes, but Stiles wouldn't have survived this without his dad, so he could understand the need.

"How do you know it was a nightmare? Could have been a sex dream," Stiles replies with a wink, a dirty grin on his face.

Derek rolls his eyes. He finishes brushing and inquires, "Oh yeah? Who was the sex dream about?"

Stiles decides to play the game. "Chris Hemsworth, obviously. Why? Who did you think it would be?" He moves to walk out the bathroom when he's grabbed by the elbow and pulled into the heat of Derek's flawless body.

"Chris Hemsworth, huh?" Derek glances down at Stiles' rapidly growing erection and smiles evilly. "Well, can Chris Hemsworth do this?" he says, whilst swiping his tongue over Stiles' earlobe before biting it. Stiles almost comes in his pants. Fuck. Yeah, Chris Hemsworth is a total hunk, but no one in this world can bring him to his knees quite like Derek Hale. It doesn't even have to be intentional, Derek can just stand somewhere and Stiles will melt like ice cream on a hot day, a puddle on the floor.

Legs shaky, Stiles pushes Derek back so he's sitting on the edge of the tub. Derek's raises an eyebrow but doesn't protest at the change in power. He even smiles a little wickedly as if he knows where this is going.