Lady Venom

Life Without Her

Charlotte fumbled blindly through the lightless apartment, she refused to turn on the lights or draw the curtains, the light just like the world hurt too much.
She felt awful, it had been days since she had had a decent meal or got out of bed, every cell in her body screamed for mercy “Scream yourself hoarse,” she thought to her system “see if I care. It will make both of us.” Her eyes burned betrayed by the white refrigerator light, and she cursed at the cold air that insisted in caressing her dirty body.
After laying in bed for three days, not sleeping a single moment, every time she closed her eyes the broken body of Nel came in to sight, it lived behind her eyelids engraved for ever by fear and fire. Love had never hurt her so much.
Charlotte took out the large jug of water she kept in the fridge and drank straight from it, the cold liquid escaping the sides of her mouth and running down her feverish body, sending chills up and down her skin like electricity. She was not sure of the date or time, putting the half-emptied jug on the counter, not bothering to put the top back on, she dragged her bare feet to the table where she had left her phone a life time ago “Dead.” She said out loud, her raspy voice sounded alien in the shadowed stillness of her despair invaded home. She dropped the device to the floor with a loud crack shattering the screen and made her way indifferently to the open door of the bathroom.
Slowly raising her leg, she entered and sat in the white bathtub, its cold ceramic surface chilling her even deeper, finally covering her in goosebumps, a sliver of unwelcomed yellow light entered uninvited through the thin, long, rectangular window on the top of the cream-colored wall, so high up she had never bothered with a curtain, now she regrated it.
Charlotte did not know how long she stayed there, catatonic, her head thrown back against the smooth roundness, clumps of dirty, unbrushed hair littering the side of the tub as she looked up at that pesky window. It was until the warm sensation of hot urine running between her legs and pooling underneath her broke her trance, the hot coziness gone in an instant replaced with an icy coldness that made her shiver spasmically and she realized against her will the clicking sound she had been hearing for a while where her teeth chattering.
Without standing up she turned on the shower with her foot, water first too cold then too hot bathed her chest and face, her open eyes became blurry, unfocused orbs that refused to blink as she opened her mouth letting the hot water rinse out her foulness and restrict her breathing. Rolling her eyes to the side, her body completely still, delicate lines of steam rolling and rising off of her fogged up the window and mirror. She saw her hair dryer, connected, resting on the back of the toilet where she had left it the day Nel was found. That day Charlotte had left in a hurry and had not disconnected it, getting out of the house on time seemed so important back then, getting to the hospital, going on with her life, chasing a future.
All she had to do was stretch out and reach it, it was already plugged in, already close, just pull yourself up and reach it, half of the job was already done “Really?” A sarcastic voice spoke so clearly in her ear she almost turned, flinching softly, expecting to find someone in the tub with her “you are too much of a coward,” it spoke harshly with a stern love “finish up and let’s get to bed.”
Charlottes cracked, wet, lips curved in to a trembling half-moon “Finish it.” She whispered to herself and sat up, the water that had long run cold fell on the crown of her head, cascading mated hair down in to her face, as she stretched out her hand, the dryer was barely out of reach, she stretched further resting her weight on the side of the tub that squeaked loudly against her slippery skin.
As she inched painfully forward with her pruned finger tips, she bit her lip with a greedy effort, the bottom part of her body numb, glued to the ceramic. As she grabbed on to the handle of the dryer, she felt it slipping and, in a panic, pulled forward in one fast movement as her upper body slipped back in to the tub with a thud, her back hitting the wall. The cord rippled and disconnected itself in one whipped arc that collided with the toilet causing a soft plinking sound.
Wide eyed, disappointed Charlotte slowly turned on her side, curling up in to a tight, cold, wet, sad ball and holding the dryer to her chest sobbed loudly, screaming to herself in her ceramic tomb until no sound left her no more, drowned in the soft falling of the open shower.
This is how Park finally found her a few hours later, her body swollen and blue, hands stiff around the electronic appliance she refused to let go of, al he said was “Oh babe-” and turned off the water, gingerly picking her up in his arms, she was so heavy but tucked in to him without a sound it was bearable “I’ve cried myself mute,” she thought with regret “I will never be able to speak again.” Once more that harsh voice answered “You have nothing to say anyway.” And Charlotte nodded in to her fiancé, he was so warm, not burning but soothing, she never wanted him to put her down. Park emptied a can of air freshener in the rank smelling bedroom, opened the windows and changed the sheets before tucking both of them in to bed, her naked body against his fully clothed one.
She wanted to live in his arms forever, this live, human, warmth felt so secure, she thought she must be dreaming already and let her eyelids fall shut, she stopped fighting.
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“Nel! Nel, my Nely…” Charlotte gasped, holding on to her, grasping on to all of her broken pieces, Charlottes clothes and skin staining of filth and blood the faster she held “Are you ok? Does it hurt?” Nel’s sunken face smiled a warm, lovely smile, showing shattered teeth and bloody gums, small pools of crystal-clear gems forming in the corners of her unique bright eye, reflecting glistening particles of light. With her free, remaining arm she embraced her best friend and whispered in a tranquil voice that broke of at the end with a sharp inhale “it did, so much-” Charlotte held on even tighter un able to breathe, feeling her slipping, feeling her limp body strain at her desperate hug; like she could hug everything away, hug back time. She sobbed loudly as Nel caressed her hair “I am sorry Nel, I am so sorry. I was late, I am so sorry, oh God Nel, oh Nel…” Charlottes eyes tightly squeezed shut, against the heart-breaking sight of her dying friend, sprung open at the gentle cares of Nel’s warm hand on her cheek “It was worth it-” she whispered and placing a weak kiss on to Charlottes now red cheek become still.
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A shrill cry awoke Charlotte, she shot up as straight as an arrow flailing her arms and turning her head from side to side looking for who or what had made such a horrible sound, only to find her reflection staring back with a contorted face and wide screaming mouth “It’s just a dream,” Park soothed her, locking down her arms as he cradled her to his body “come back to me,” he whispered trying to kiss her face, the deep lines of her brow relaxed under the softness of his lips “come back to me.” Charlotte held on to him for dear life “Help me!” she sobbed “Help me  please-” he held on to her so tightly he was afraid her bones would break, she had become so frail so fast, he held tighter with a silent hopelessness and still her pieces were scattered in to so many tiny parts she felt more constellation than woman, he doubted with a deep resignation she would ever be the same again.