Lady Venom

Old Goodbyes.

Nel walked through the hospitals lively hallways, gliding by like a veteran, passing inconsequentially through swaying doors, keeping out of the way of busy nurses with quick stepped feet, her hands lazily resting in her deep pockets. She walked with a purpose, a deep desire to arrive.
She opened the door of room 320 slowly, afraid to disrupt whatever reality existed on the other side “Hello?” called out only slighter than a whisper between her lips “Come in,” a mans tranquil voice invited, so she gave a hesitant step forward.
Once inside she sat close to the bed, her back to the big, rectangular, window, feeling the raging sun kiss her skin through the fabric of her pale colored blouse, even through this day’s thick, white clouds its rays were merciless.
“Nel, my girl, I did not know you where back,” She smiled, reaching out for his slim hand, its once strong limbs had fallen rapidly away leaving bony indentations on pale skin “I’m not,” Roger smiled mischievously “secret mission?” Nel nodded “sorry the mission did not involve flowers,”
The man was taken aback bringing a hand to his chest he told her “Don’t kill flowers, they are for the bees, and everyone loves bees,” Nel nodded again with a chuckle “How are you feeling Mr. Maze?” he shrugged dismissively, letting his ghostly arm fall to his side “lets see-” crossing them in front of his chest he coked his head to the side “My ass hurts from sitting but my back hurts from laying down, I want to take a stroll but its hot and I’m tired, the nurse say I talk to much and never stay for a proper conversation, no one here laughs at my jokes, I just finished reading a novel that ended tragically with a cliff hanger so, I don’t know if I will ever know the real ending, the food is bad, I’m always cold, I miss Charlotte but I prefer when she’s at school, you never text me anymore but mostly I am perfectly splendid. How about you?”
Nel suffocated an incandescent urge to reach out and touch him, pat his shoulder in consoling, cup his sunken, pale cheek with her peachy, clammy hand and let that strong smile her guarded every instant drift away so he did not have to pretend anymore, seeing him so serene she did not want to worry him, further more she was afraid he would end up lecturing her on self-love and emotional stability. That was just the kind of man he was.
They stayed like this for an instant, as they shared the fleeting silence between them the door practically burst open “Sorry I took so long daddy, Dr. Cho was busy and I had to wai-” Charlotte froze, the conversation she had had with her father’s physician disappearing momentarily from her mind, the words that had haunted her in the elevator and down the hauls gone in an instant “Nel! -” she gasped, expecting her materialized wish to disappear if she more than blinked.
“Hey you!” Nel called out enthusiastically standing from the chair “you are right on time,” without putting down the folders or heavy backpack she caried everywhere as of late, Charlotte moved forward as Nel was still rising, crashing in to her, almost on queue her friend embraced her, both resting their cheeks on each other’s shoulder “When did you-” Charlotte whispered “just now.” Their embrace tightened.
“Well, well girls, leave some love for this poor old man too, I’m the one with the brain booboo.”
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“Sympathetic gazes are the worst so why do I feel so at ease” Charlotte thought stepping out in to the hallway leaving her father to get some rest. Like a child on Christmas eve, he had been fighting to stay awake just a little longer, enjoy the girls a little longer, live in the moment and make it last a little longer “live a little longer.” Charlotte sighed.
“So?” Nel brought her back “what did the doctor say?” Charlotte smiled; it was sad enough to make Nel reach out instantly to hold on to her fingertips “To keep him comfortable.” Nel’s gaze was lot in to the vastness of the hallway behind her “we can ask for a second-” Charlotte shook her head “This is the third opinion, they all agreed.” Nel’s mouthed pulled to the side in an unconscious little snarl “And your mom?” the silence was deafening “haven’t seen her since the diagnosis-” her words felt like poison inside Nel “That bitch…” she hissed out, a soft whisper but to Charlotte it spoke volumes “Not everyone can deal with terminal patients, watching someone die slowly is hard, its not like someone can teach you this stuff-” Nel raised her eyebrows in surprise “ when its someone you say you love” she hissed, liquid fire trapped in the back of her throat “you suck it up and start learning.” Charlotte shrugged apologetically “Sorry.” Nel said embarrassed “I’ll drop it, I just want you to know I AM judging her, enough for both of us.”
Charlotte thanked the subject was over, and to be honest she had to try extra hard to not speak badly of her mom. When she was alone in her father’s hospital room she would cry silently once he fell asleep, heavily sedated to help him deal with the pain of his stage 5 cancer, so metastasized they didn’t even know where it had started, they were getting close to then end.
Those dreadful words floating around inside her, drowning her “comfortable” what did that even mean? How much comfort could debilitating fear and pain offer.
“How long are you staying?” Charlotte offered Nel a stick of gum she took thankfully “Gatta be back before 6am tomorrow.” Charlotte’s brow wrinkled in helpless pain “I kind of ran here on an impulse when you told me about this new doctor, thought maybe you could use a pick me up.” Charlotte nodded distractedly “No one knows I’m here… or so I think… one never knows.”
Looking at her watch Charlotte sighed “Fliying or driving?” she asked half heartedly feeling the warmness of her tears trying to push their way forward “I gatta be at the airport at 5.” Charlotte produced a tight smile “why am I holding back?” she thought, resting her forehead on Nel’s chest she cried loudly. Thick plump tears overflowing every orifice in her face, without seeing herself she could swear even her ears were crying “I’m drowning. ” she sobbed knowing she too had thought of running away, staying late at school, sitting alone a little longer at the dinner, taking baths instead of showers, of running to Nel… if she did, would she judge her just as harshly? Would she call her a bitch with the same honest hatred? Spitting the words like poison, un able to be swallowed. Charlotte’s heart could not bear.
“So?” Nel held Charlotte gently patting the back of her head with one hand, as she soothed her heaving back with the other “midnight snack? We don’t have to leave the building. I’m buying.” Charlotte sobbed even harder, a muffled wail that echoed through her confidant in deep craters that scared her heart. Hunger and exhaustion suddenly unbearable, her knees felt like giving out, falling over and in to Nel, maybe she could lend her some of that unbeatable strength, some stubborn resilience.
Without raising her face from her beloved’s bosom Charlotte nodded “come on Cee, lets get you fed.” And this day Charlotte felt whole heartedly that Nel would be the only family she had left and would never leave.