ADHD Dribblings: Poems & Thoughts From A Mind Lost In Motion

I Want To Find My Person

I want to find my person!
Not the person but A
I'm in pandemonium,
Isolated by day.

I want to find my person,
I've been single for decades.
A result of atypicals:
Wronged bodies without aid.

"I want to find my person,"
I say. Met with replay,
"Don't worry, you're young."
"Find yourself before you say..."

I want to find my person.
But I've already found me.
I'm right here as always,
Living me without we.

I've been there, done that.
Bowed on all my stages.
10 years is enough,
I've learned through its changes.

And to you, I reply,
"My person, not the, A, or any."
The decades have told me,
This wisdom, holds many.

Because what use is learning
"Who you are,"
When you only know yourself
as only a self so far?

What challenges can you face,
When only your own you can trace?
And how can you love best,
When yourself you've loved lest?

I want to find my person!

You tell me it's not necessity.
I understand. I truly do.
But how can you say it so bestly,
when you, yourself, are a two?

I've listened, I'm aware,
And I hear you forgetting.
As you become paired,
And I see you for wedding.

"I want to find my person!" I cry.
You say, "Don't you fret!"
I say, "Fine, I won't try!"
But I can't give up just yet.

All I want is to love
and be loved in return.
A romantic at heart
with a mind left burned.

In my repair, I sought
a far different song.
Some tune that held true,
No lies to live on.

I heard one speak of freedom,
"She belonged to no one,
And belonged to everyone."
Maybe that was my song?

So I gave my love to the world,
And it grew like a cancer.
Down on my own knees,
In hopes they would answer.

But what I found wasn't freedom,
Or maybe I just couldn't see,
That with freedom comes a bit
of time spent being free.

I spent way too much,
Lost in love's earnings.
And when my head cleared,
My heart was still yearning.

I found being freed,
Was costly, you see.
I felt unlike myself,
No takebacks, silly me.

So I gave and they took,
And I tried to price myself rightly.
But they cried out, "More, more!",
Until I lost all to them nightly.

I knew what to do.
Gave way to my healing.
Relearned my strength,
Continued with me-ing.

"I want to find my person," I decided.
One who doesn't take greedily.
One who doesn't see free signs,
But treasures curbed leniently.

Don't get this twisted!

I know my self worth,
And my love I do own.
I'll sell you these words,
"Love needs a good home."

I loved how I needed
And I chose to give freely.
It felt right at the time,
To give what's left to the needy.

I saw those like me,
Needing love we've forgotten.
And I can't help but give,
what I've stored in my longing.

So me became we,
And we sold love for fees.
Learned the missed takes,
Of giving love for free.

The cost of love can be nothing,
The world knows transactions.
But it depends on the buyer,
How to price its true magic.