Love On Track ! Taerose

ten ! secret thoughts

" wahhh, that wasn't such a bad meal was it, " chaeyoung smiled, looking back at the seven guys walking behind her

"any kind of food is delicious for you chaeng, you could eat dirt and still say it's yummy" jungkook attacked

"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME YOU FUCK HEAD" she kicked jungkook's leg as the others just laughed

"are you okay going back alone chaeng? do you want any of us to go along with you?" hoseok asked as chaeyoung in his eyes was just a fragile little girl who makes everyone laughs

"im really okay, and plus, i have a personal handsome cab driver okay" she showed a picture of the uncle she met the first day she went to korea whom she met up a few times already and ate out together at her house

The driver whom is named lee dong wook was a father figure to chaeyoung, turns out his house wasn't that far from hers, so she would usually go down to his house to hangout rather than feeling lonely in her big empty apartment

"well, that's my ride, see you guys next weeeeek!! " she cheered as she ran to the black car waiting for her

"you're really not worried about her? " yoongi questioned, he was usually uninterested in stuffs like this but, when it's related to chae, he always cares, they all do

"if someone asks this kind of question again, I'll rip their heart out, im going now, bye" he walked away

[ in the car ]
⚠️TW : $ewerslide, $elf h@rm⚠️

"had a nice day? you seem so happy right now" the driver asked

"oh come on, i spent a whole day with him, why won't i be happy old man" she laughed

"I AM NOT AN OLD MAN, i look young and my soul is young okay"

"you sound like my grandfather HAHAHAHAHA"

The driver sighed seeing the child like girl making fun of his age for the hundredth time, she reminded him of his childish always cheering others up son, who lost his life to depression, false hopes and fake happiness

"you know chaeng, seeing you so happy talking about that guy when he doesn't even do the bare minimum for you makes me worried you know " he said concerned, she would go through the same thing his son did

"yeah... but, i shouldn't just give up like this yknow.. although i would be left alone again anyways" she agreed, it was true taehyung had never really appreciated her, she was always under appreciated. But in front of this uncle whom she trusts so much with her life, she always tell her worries to him, always comforted and given advices

"hahh.. i used to have a girl who pursued me too, she was just like you, clingy, sweet, caring, a little bit of annoying, yeah, she was so much like you...

"what happened to her? "

..lost herself to suicide, i was too late, i realized what i actually felt for her too late, and till this day i bear the guilt, if only i was there for her, would she still be here? " he confessed

"don't be, guilty.... im sure she would like it if you continue your life happily even without her in it"

"i miss her yknow, she was always there but im not so i.... AH ENOUGH, LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT DEPRESSING THINGS RIGHT NOW" he yelled, trying his best not to think about his first love from the past again

"oh we're already here lmao, thank you old man, "

"i would like it better if you had stop calling me old man, "

"oh right, what was her name anyways"

"Yoo In Na."

After getting the name of the uncle's first love, chaeyoung smiled, said her goodbye and went up to her apartment

She unlocked the door and there lies her soulless apartment, there wasn't anything happy there, it was dull and it was depressive, going into the damned apartment felt so hard for chaeyoung, she would always feel isolated

She sat down on the kitchen counter and scrolled through her phone, no texts from anyone, not even her parents

They haven't contacted her ever since she left for korea, it was normal for them to not pay any attention to her but it only made chaeyoung more anxious and afraid

She then thought about what the uncle talked about in the car, 'i was too late' that phrase repeated inside her head thousands of time

If taehyung were ever too late, would he be like uncle? would he even care a bit about being late? Probably not

She always thought what the uncle she usually call old man were always speaking nonsense and unlogical

She always thought of him as someone who would do empty talks and he didn't really knew how to describe chaeyoung as she was so many things

But he was right about one thing, she was becoming more like his first love, already starting to lose her faith, her motivation to live, and was always close to losing her life

Going into the bathroom, chaeyoung took the anti depressants pills she was prescribed.. She had a lot of pills actually, to gain weight, to sleep, to avoid insomnia, many kinds of pills

She then went to her room and changed her clothes, the upper part of her arms were scratched with scars, it was a form of self harm, she always thought doing so would take off a bit of burden off and make her less stressed

She walked to her bed and laid down uncomfortably as the words and thoughts inside her hand was all over the place

'if others were ever to find out what kind of person i really am, a person with such a depressing life, would they still be friends with me? '

'no they'll probably think of me as someone pathetic'

'wait would they sympathize with me? '

'what if mom finds out, she'll probably kill me, if i was even alive then'

'god these thoughts, you'll only make people see you as someone weak'

'keep smiling, it would all get better'

That was all the kinds of thoughts she would usually have, but with taehyung constantly saying she's annoying, with jungkook constant mocking and the others... was all of that really a joke? what if they actually mean it? they must actually not like me..

Should i die? Wait no, i need to be there for taehyung and the others

Yeah i should probably just live for the sake of others... so i wouldn't be as useless as i already am

A useless, dumb, annoying, loud person who's just a waste of space on earth..

Chaeyoung, a person who finds comfort and easiness in other people's happiness, she whose eyes are always admired is actually dull and empty

If only she knew how loved she is, how much other care for her, how her presence radiates positive energy and always make people smile, if only she knew all that, would she be happy?