After 5 Year Engagement

17

He still held me tightly, didn't leave my side. I had the stupid nightmares back. He patiently calmed me down and held me every night.

I bolted to the bakery the next day and the day after that, continuously for a week.

Avoiding him.

I was way too embarrassed by it. I didn't talk to him or responded to any of his hugs.

He still patted my back at night, even though I wasn't facing him like I always do.

I was silent at the bakery and everyone didn't disturb me. Most of the days I'll silently do my job, some day I'll stay in the office.

"Are you okay?" Tabby asked leaning on the wall. I looked up at her from my table.

"Yeah, good." I mumbled and put my head back on the table. I was feeling better than last week.

No nightmares or non stop talking from my brain.

I just needed to find a way to talk to Rishi. He didn't bother me the whole week. He didn't ask any questions or yell at me for being stupid.

He glances at me now and then but doesn't say anything.

I wanted to go home. I want to hug him.

I braved myself and called him. He picked up in the first ring.

"Can we go home? Are you busy?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'll be right there." and he hung up.

I put my head back on the table, feeling stupid. I shouldn't let this bring me down. I fought for my rights but the guy got away because of the stupid judge.

I heard my office door opening and I looked up. Rishi was standing there, holding my tote bag and staring at me.

He held his hand out, with a gentle smile. I grabbed his hand and we went home.

We were still silent and I didn't know what to say. I was laying on the bed, wearing his first shirt that he gave me.

I needed strength to talk to him about this.

Rishi was working on something, with his legs stretched out.

I looked at him and he looked at me back.

"I want to talk to you about something." I said barely a whisper. I'm too nervous.

What if he doesn't accept me or look at me the same after this?

I sat up criss crossed and looked at him. He put his laptop away and turned himself, looking at me.

"What happened?" He asked touching my knees and I backed away a little.

"The reason I'm always fully clothed is not only because I was bullied." I paused and I could feel a pin drop silence around us.

"I was attacked. Physically attacked." I said looking up at him directly in the eyes.

He went still, looking at me with soft eyes. Tears prickled my eyes, trying to get out.

"Jaan.." He cupped my cheek and I leaned on his hand with a small smile. I took his hand and held it tightly

"I was 10. He was 15 at least. I thought we were playing hide and seek but he grabbed me at wrong places and tried to- "

I paused, couldn't finish the sentence and he was still holding my hand. I couldn't look up at him anymore.

"I didn't understand what it meant until I learned about it at school. I tried to tell my parents but they waved it away, thinking I was joking. Why would I joke about that? I tried to cope myself, telling that I didn't do anything wrong. I started binge eating, getting myself fat so that I won't grab any attention."

I wiped my tears and put my hand under my chin, playing with the sheets. Tears were still flowing freely.

"It happened again when I was 19. Somehow I lost all the weight when I was at college. He dragged me to a dark alley, I fought. I swear I fought this time. He fucking touched me and left me like I was garbage. We pressed charges on him but there was no evidence that he did it. We couldn't hold the case. He ruined my teenage days, my college days. I couldn't even enjoy a day without having a panic attack. I couldn't even recognise myself."

He was still silent and I was sniffling, wiping my tears.

"I understand if you hate me after this. I hesitated to tell you because I don't want you to look at me differently. I'm disgusting after all." I mumbled looking down.

He slowly pulled me towards him and at first I didn't want to but he pulled me a little hard, making me lay on him.

He parted his arms, inviting me in.

I gently laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He wrapped his arms around me.

"You don't need to put it on you. It's never your fault. You were a child-" he sighed.

"I'm right by your side and I don't hate you. I can never hate you, Jaan. You have me, like you told me that you're with me." He said gently, stroking my head.

I stayed still, clinging my arms on his neck.

"I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." I looked up at him and he wiped my tears.

"I'm with you." He whispered convincing me.

"He's working at your company. The guy we saw in the elevator together. He's the one who did it." I mumbled climbing down from him.

He looked at me wide eyed.

"He what?!" He yelled standing up. He was pacing around frantically and I could see he was fuming in anger.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?! I could've done something! He's fucking walking freely and on top of that walking around in my company! You visit me all the time and he could've done something." He yelled again making me flinch.

He stopped yelling when I flinched. He quickly pulled me in a hug.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't mad at you. I-I couldn't put your safety in jeopardy after knowing he's fucking walking around." He said sighed, hugging me.

I looked up at him, who was worrying badly about the whole situation.

"I'm fine. I just wanted you to be okay with me." I mumbled and he kissed my cheek.

"You don't need to convince me, Rhea. You're important to me and I'm going to do something about him. That bastard is going to hell." He mumbled the last part and I looked at him.

He's actually protecting me and he still accepts me however I am.

"I'm not going to let you go anywhere alone anymore." He mumbled playing with my fingers and I laughed looking at him.

"I missed your laugh and your random talks about butters. I missed you." He whispered looking at me and I leaned on his chest.

"I missed you too. Sorry for avoiding you."

"I knew something was bugging you. No need to be sorry about it." He waved it off and I stared at him.

I never knew there would be this whole different person behind the cold staring face. I never knew he would even talk this much.

He made me realise that I love him.