Chapter 45

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He punched me again and again. "Please," I begged. "Stop this. You know me."

Bucky continued beating me over and over and over again. I looked him in the eyes and stared at his blank expression. The memories of me haven't kicked back in yet. I just had to wait.

I woke up in a rush, breathing very heavily. This has happened every night since my new room. I guess sleeping without a sedative makes it easier for the nightmares to get in. These aren't even nightmares though, they're painful memories.

I've been seeing these memories for weeks now but haven't dared to bring it up, I just don't want to hurt Bucky. Natasha has asked me a few times because she knows something's up but I continued lying to her.

"Miss Stark, it appears you're having another panic attack," FRIDAY told me. "Would you like me to play the nature sounds again? I also recommend grabbing a glass of water."

"No thank you, FRIDAY." I answered. "Could you contact Barnes for me?" I asked.

"Of course, Miss Stark." She answered. "He doesn't appear to have any contact devices on file yet. I can contact Steve Rogers and inform him to send Sargent Barnes."

"That's fine. Thank you, FRIDAY." I sighed.

I sat in my bed for a moment to just catch my breath and try to relax. Then I walked to the kitchen cautiously to grab a glass of water. My body was shaking with fear. I grabbed the cup from the top cupboard then heard a noise behind me. Quickly I threw the cup as hard as I could in the direction of the sound. The cup managed to shatter one of the glass walls for a meeting room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Bucky whispered. I sighed with relief before running up and hugging him. "Steve told me you needed me. Something about FRIDAY saying to send me over here. Is something wrong?"

"I'm having trouble with sleep." I told him as I grabbed a broom for the glass.

Bucky stopped me and out the broom away. Then he grabbed a new cup and got me some water. "We'll worry about that tomorrow." He began walking me to my room.

I sat back in my bed and he sat on the opposite side, by my feet, facing me. "You're taking your melatonin Tony gave you right?" He asked.

I nodded my head as I took a drink. "I'm taking it every single night." I explained. "That's not the problem though. I'm falling asleep just not staying asleep."

I saw that he realized what I meant. "Nightmares." He sighed. "I get them every night." We sat silently for a few moments. "Why did you call for me then? I would have expected you to call Natasha, or at least Tony." He asked. I looked up at him hesitant to answer. "They're about me, aren't they?" He somberly asked.

"They always are." I answered quietly.

"Mine are those memories too. My nightmares fill with the memories of me hurting you." He explained. "All the memories of us fighting each other."

"Bucky, we never fought each other. Just know that any nightmare of me fighting you is your mind beating on itself. I never fought back." I explained. "I could never bring myself to hurt you. I always sat and waited for you to remember. My mind never lets me forget the look of regret on your face every time you remembered who I was again."

"I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you." He apologized.

"I know, Bucky. It wasn't you." I reminded him.

"Hello?" We heard a familiar voice call out. "Y/n are you okay?"

Bucky and I left my room and saw Tony, in his suit, standing above the broken glass. I began to approach him and he turned around and held his hand out at me, ready to blast me. "Woah calm down, it's just me and Buck."

"Are you okay? What happened? Did anyone break-in?" He asked.

"No, I accidentally broke that when Bucky got here." I briefly explained. "I had a nightmare."

"But you're okay, right? Nothing hurt or broken or bruised? Maybe I'll call Banner, he'll check you out just in case you've got any scratches. Was the nightmare really bad? Are you okay?" Tony rambled worriedly.

"Dad!" I quickly let out. I had said it almost as an impulse with his protective behavior. It silenced him quickly and he stared at me. "Sorry. Tony. I meant Tony. Just calm down. I'm okay."

"Got it, good, glad you're alright, kid." He awkwardly said.

I had spent most of the day in the training room. Thankfully I didn't have to talk to Tony all day about our awkward interaction earlier. I don't know what compelled me to make a mistake like that. I never even called my actual father 'Dad' and yet I mess up and call my brother that.

"Hi, hon." Natasha greeted me as she approached me. I stopped training to face her. "I heard about this morning."

"Which part?" I chuckled.

"Well, Tony started telling me that you had a nightmare. Then he explained that's why the glass wall was missing. He wanted me to check on you." She explained. "Then he told me you called him 'Dad' by mistake. He wanted me to talk to you about it, he figured it'd be weird if he did."

"Yes, I did. What about it?" I asked bluntly.

"Do you see him as a father figure?" She asked.

"I don't know. Maybe?" I sighed. "It's confusing to me. The only family I knew kept me hidden from the world, beat me, and experimented on me. The only reason my father protected me was so he never lost his project."

"But with Tony...?" she questioned, waiting for me to continue.

"He protects me. Like really does, and he cares about me. He's supposed to be my younger brother but he protects me like an older brother." I explained. "Maybe I see him as a father figure. The one I never got to have."

"That's great!" She exclaimed. "Tony's been wanting to be good enough for you! He's been telling me how he wants you to trust him, he wants you to see him as a better father than what you got. The father you deserve."

"Well," I smiled. "I'll happily consider him to be a father figure."

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