🖤Stockholm 🖤Syndrome🖤

Struggling

((Warning! Mentions of eating disorders, anorexia, self-body shaming, and bullying!!

Question: What is Flutter's favorite snack?

Wheat thins

Bananas

Peaches

Good luck!))

Tord recently hung a clock on the wall and set up an alarm clock for me. Finally, I can tell the time and date something new to do. I'll be honest, I don't really know why it took so long for him to do it, but he did it. Anyway, I've been using the clocks as a way to keep track of when I feed Flutter and what time I should sleep or even eat. I love being on a schedule... it's been so long since I've last felt that my life has had order. It feels nice.

Having a new set schedule has felt so nice. I feel functional. I feel weirdly relieved to be back on a timer. That reminds me. I hate the food schedule that im on, Tord feeeds me a lot, and honestly, it's been a little nerve-wracking. I know for a fact that I've gained a bit of weight since living here with Tord. I know he feeds me because he's worried that I am hungry, but I'd rather be hungry then, too.... big...

I'm a bit upset, to be honest, because of how Tord feeds me. He makes me eat at least three times a day, and he gives me all of these treats that I'm scared of refusing because I'm afraid he'll hurt me. He has threatened to "punish" me if I don't eat one of the meals or treats... usually, the threat only stands if it's a meal that im refusing. So, in short, I've been gaining weight... I'ts been making me really nervous. I was always a chubby kid until my sophomore year of high school, when I stopped eating. I've been a much better weight, in my opinion... but I was still pretty chunky.

I remember when girls and guys made fun of me, which I could understand, You gotta pick on the fat, ugly kid to fit in, I guess. My school years were kinda ass either way even when I did lose all of that weight, people still whispered when I walked by, just a bunch of unheard banter with concerned faces, not sure why they suddenly cared though. Ugh.

I found out a few days ago that there's a scale down here in the bathroom! I'll admit i was torn about it. I was happy I could finally check my weight and possibly a workout routine, but also I was terrified of finding out how much I really weigted now. I've been writing down and keeping track of my weight. Speaking of which, it's about that time I check again.

I would work out down here more, but then the room gets way too hot, and it gets suffocating. Anyway, Tord eventually got sick of cleaning out Flutter's cage.  I would clean outher cage, but I'm not allowed outside because y'know I'm a missing person or something. Tord and I both taught her how to use a litter box instead so she could just wander around with me instead of being stuck in a cage. When I walked to the bathroom, she hopped along with me, then nipped at my toes when I stepped on the scale. She doesn't like the scale or me weighing myself, apparently.

"Well... one week ago, I was 58 kilograms, and I'm now 61... Kilograms... Fuck." ((58kg= 127lbs, 65kg= 134 lbs)) When I stepped off the scale, my sweet bunny scurried away, hiding under the bed, a common thing she does when Tord comes into the room. Yeah, she at least likes him now that he helps with spoiling her, but she still doesn't completely trust him.

When Tord walked in, he seemed pretty annoyed but made soft, calm movements. I decided to keep out of his way, stepping off the scale. Once I did, he grabbed it and started to walk away with it, "Hey wait, where are you taking it?" I said with some panic in my voice.

"I'm getting rid of it. Also, when I come back, I want you to rip those pages of your weight out of your sketchbook, or I'll punish you." He growled at the last part, "What, why?!" I huffed annoyed, what the fuck is his problem?

"Thomas, I knew you way back in high school, I know what happened to you and that you still have an eating issue. I know it has gotten better over the years but recently it has gotten worse and I'm not going to let you starve yourself." He spoke softer with a more gentle tone in his voice as I ripped the pages out of my book. Whatever, he doesn't know what he's talking about anyway.

When he came back he took the pages and folded them up then shoved them in his pocket. "Now come here, kattunge~" He purred, I didn't want to move but the glare he shot at me made my legs involuntarily move towards him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and started peppering kisses on my neck and chasing my jawline, each kiss being followed by a compliment.

"I love you, you are beautiful, you are perfect, you are so amazing and special, you are a precious gem, and I am so glad to have you in my life." It felt kind of nice to hear this from him, I know Edd and Matt tried that before, but it never really worked. But when he said it, I heard so much love in his words and in his voice.

My face flushed pink, and tears pricked the corners of my eyes, a sudden sadness washing over me as I thought about them. Tord noticed my sudden change in attitude and gently kissed my lips, cupping my cheeks in his large hands.

I felt my heart flutter when I closed my eyes, so I just decided to enjoy it. Our kiss was interrupted when we heard angry thumping coming from the floor by our feet. I let out a little giggle, knowing that it was Flutter and that she was angry. I picked up my angry little bunny, and she calmed down pretty quickly, giving my hoodie little bunny kisses.

"She's such an attention whore, always stealing your attention," Tord laughed, making me laugh too. "Yeah, but don't call her that, she's just a little baby. She's my little baby." I gave her fluffy forehead a kiss which she returned, as always. I let out a little yawn, putting Flutter on the bed.

"I want to take a nap. I'm sleepy." I gave Tord a sheepish smile hoping that would make him leave, but instead, he would join me, spooning me from behind while Flutter slept by my stomach. Though I was smothered, it was relaxing and really comfy. The world was calm and quiet as I drifted off... it was nice.

( Hey guys, Mitri here, and in case I haven't mentioned it before, I have an instagram! It's dimitri_thorwell. Oh, and this account is actually owned by two people, so we're going to introduce ourselves. Hi, I'm Lena, the primary owner of this account, I'm a Russian Norwegian half breed, and I was born and primarily raised in Norway! Hi! I'm Pallet, and I'm the secondary owner of this account! I usually do the editing and spell checking to make sure the books are good reads! Anyway we hope you have a nice day!

~Dimitri Thorwell))