Fate ✔

39

It's been a week already and Nana has been released from the hospital. Ever since that day I never went back to them. Ilhan called and told me when Nana woke up! And after then i've been sending all the help necessary through one of my dad's workers.

And I was sure they don't even need me now. Right now it's quite early in the morning, my sleeping schedules have seemed to be messed up for the last five days. Was a day i've been awake for 48 hours, last night I had to take in sleeping pills before I go to bed, even that I could only sleep for an hour, my head kept spinning and hurting so bad, my eyes looked so red, I had no idea what's wrong with me. I hardly go out, i've been staying indoor, unless if Zee asks me to join her in the garden which I mostly reply with no.

I was about to get in the loo and take my bath, I looked in the mirror and my face looked reddish, there were huge dark circles around my eyes, and my mustache hasn't been trimmed, overall I looked so awful.

But it's my dream to look awful while trying to meet Ilhan for the last time! I planned this all out perfectly. I want to be at my worst when i'm ending it with her, that way it won't hurt her so bad, she gonna remember the last look she had of me looking so awful and then realise she hadn't lose so much. After all, she's a cute nice girl full of awesomeness. I know she'll in no time meet someone better inshaa Allah.

A sharp pain pierced through my head and I had to yelp at it, I gently soaked a towel with hot water and dampened it in my head, but that didn't help, if anything, it intensified it.

***

I got in the house, greeted Ilhan's mom, and apologised for not showing up in a while, she assured everything's fine.

"Saif you don't look so good in my eyes. What's wrong with you?" Ilhan's mom enquired.

I assured her nothing's wrong, but she didn't accept.

"I'm like a mother to you Saif, though I haven't given birth to you, but i've taken you as a child and Allah knows that. To me there isn't any difference between you and the rest of my children. So you can tell me anything." She said. "Mamaji go to Nana." She whispered to mamaji indicating she should give us some privacy.

I felt tears in my eyes at that. That was so emotional, it's true she treats me like her own, but today I feel so ashamed of myself for doing what i'm about to do.

"Mom I only got a slight headache, nothing to worry about, i'll make sure I see a doctor." I said and she nodded with understanding before praying for me. I thanked her. Then I moved on to check up on Nana and Alhamdulillah she's so much better.

And finally here I was with Ilhan, we've been seated for more than 20 minutes and non of us talked.

"How are you?" She finally cut out the silence.

I couldn't respond, because we didn't set our relationship based on lies, it's always the truth, and today I don't feel so fine.

"Ilhan I came to tell you i'm sorry I can't." I finally said, I couldn't look at her in the eye.

I didn't expect a response from her and I got none.

After like so many minutes I added, "i'm really sorry."

"If this is a prank please just stop."

I sighed before saying, "no it's not a prank. I'm being honest here!"

And for the first time our eyes locked and immediately I saw tears threatening to fall from hers.

She finally shook her head at me as the tears came down rushing, "no I don't believe you, look me in the eye and tell me no. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me anymore."

I hated how she's crying and I hated how she's making me repeat myself. In about five minutes i'm out of this room.

"Just stop it, that's childish." I said.

"Your dad said no?"

"My dad agreed, but he doesn't know whose daughter you are, but it's none of that. It's just me Ilhan and i'm sorry."

"Saif you can't be serious wallah, if this is a prank just stop already." She said as she was still crying.

I tilted my head a bit, "if it's a prank why will you be crying?"

I waited for her to say something but she didn't, so I finally apologised again before getting up, "please when ever you need help, don't hesitate talking to this number," I said, moving towards her and dropping a paper with a number written.

"Saif you don't get it, but I don't need your help, you've done enough for me and my family already. So please thank you. This time around if you're really leaving know that I'm good. I wouldn't want anything from you."

That pierced me in the heart so much, nevertheless I dropped the paper on the arm support of her wheel chair. I didn't glance back once even when I finally got to the door.

"Saif!" She called again and I halted.

Then I heard her released a sigh, "If you really want to do this then I can't stop you, I can't lie it's gonna be so hard on my part, but know that once you place your leg out of this room i'll take it as we are done. And wallah even if you come back I won't ever consider you again. It will be the end of us. Wallah I mean what I said."

I didn't turn around, "I wish you well then Ilhan."

That was the only thing I said before adjusting my cap and heading out. Thank God I didn't meet any of her family in the compound, I guess they most be with Nana. So, I didn't have to tell any of them goodbye and that's even better!

Published on 22 August 2021