After Midnight

chapter twenty-three.

23 - SCARLETT
**sexual content ahead**

Zayn's apartment was nothing like I'd expected it to be.

He has a beautiful view of the city and the ocean off in the distance, which immediately made me jealous. How do you not brag daily about that view?

All of his walls are a light grey, the cabinets in his kitchen are a dark grey with white accents. His countertops are white and fully cleaned, which is more than most men I've met can say.

All in all, his apartment is spotless, with small decorations here and there. He even has a balcony. Again, jealousy.

I didn't spend much time analyzing his home, though. I was too mesmerized by Zayn himself. He's showering now, leaving me alone in his very dark bedroom.

His walls are light grey like the rest of the house; his comforter is white with millions of pillows and blankets on top. His lights are dimmed, leaving the room relatively dark.

I plop down onto the bed, extending my legs and smiling contently. I turn on the TV and wait for Zayn to finish his shower.

I brought a change of clothes, but Z let me borrow one of his hoodies, and there was no way I was passing that up. It smells just like him and it is heaven. 

The dogs come to join me at some point, hopping right onto the bed and cuddling up next to me. They're big dogs, so they take up most of the space, but I don't mind.

I've wanted to get my own dog, but it's just been too complicated, especially now that I have a full-time job.

I hear the shower stop and smile to myself. It's not common that someone's presence makes me happy or excited.

After my panic attack, Dr. Sweeney started me on different, stronger medication, and it's been working pretty well. The bad days are bad, but they occur less, which is a blessing. Zayn being around so frequently has helped, too. We're both busy, but seeing him make an effort to spend time together means the world to me.

The hardest side effect has been my sleep schedule. I can't seem to get more than three hours a night, and the only time I'm able to sleep through the night is when I'm with Zayn. We try to spend nights together as much as we can, but it's not always easy.

We haven't had sex yet, and part of me is worried he's not even sexually attracted to me. I mean, we've done other stuff, but we just haven't gotten there yet. We haven't had that many opportunities with Jordyn always home and work keeping up busy, but there have been some.

The last thing I want is for him to view me as this fragile thing that he's scared to break. I want to be close with him in every way, and if we can't connect sexually, what does that mean for our relationship?

Romantically, we're there. I'm definitely sexually attracted to him, and I treasure our ability to communicate. I've confided in him more than anyone, so that counts for something.

The door opens, and out comes Zayn, a cloud of steam coming with him. His lower half is covered with a towel, his abs on full display. His usual brown curls are wet and dripping in front of his face.

He smirks, clearly noticing my staring. "Enjoying the view?"

I roll my eyes, turning my attention back to the TV. "Nope."

He laughs as I cross my arms and show no sign of amusement on my face. He ignores it for now and changes into a pair of plaid pajama pants, leaving his chest bare. I mean, I'm definitely not complaining.

He groans loudly as he notices the little space the dogs and I have left for him on his bed. My lips upturn at his frustration, but I make room for him anyway.