Stop All the Clocks (This Is the Last Time I'm Leaving Without You)

chapter 32

He’d saved them all, once upon a time, and Harry thinks that England shouldn’t feel nearly this different to him. He should feel the conquering hero, returning home. Instead, he just feels at loose ends, muddled and unsure. It’s familiar, yes, but at the same time it’s so strange. Like the whole of England has been knocked just a little bit sideways, just slightly off-kilter. Things aren’t quite the same as they were when he left and it’s taking him longer than he thought to get his feet under him again.

Of course, the fucking time change doesn’t help. Harry wakes from his nap muzzy and disoriented, his mouth thick and dry. He stumbles out of bed, uses the toilet, and heads for the kitchen. It’s early evening and he’s going to need a cup of coffee of he has any hope of making it through dinner. There’s a light on in the living room and he can hear the low murmur of conversation.

“I’m so glad you convinced Harry to come home,” Hermione says, and Harry freezes out in the hallway. “It felt really important that he be here when Rose is born.”

“It wasn’t easy,” William admits with a laugh. “I had to book the tickets and spring it on him last minute.” He doesn’t mention the screaming fight they’d had after that. Harry hadn’t screamed at someone like that in years, but it still lit his blood like it always did. He’d fucked William right there on the living room sofa, and then felt so nauseated about it that he’d spent half the night pacing around the reservoir.

“Well however you went about it, I’m glad,” Hermione says.

“You’re his best friend,” William says, and Harry can tell he’s smiling. William smiles a lot; it’s what drew Harry to him in the first place. “You and Ron. I told him that he shouldn’t let what happened with Draco keep you apart.”

“Oh, he told you about Draco?” Hermione asks, and even without seeing her, Harry can hear the surprise in her voice. “I assumed… well, he didn’t tell us about you… and I thought…”

“He hasn’t said very much,” William admits, and Harry wants to rush out there, run out and make them stop talking because he doesn’t talk about Draco for a reason, and all he wanted was a fucking cup of coffee and he doesn’t want this, he doesn’t want any part of this. But he can’t move, and it’s like watching an oncoming train, the light bearing down and he can’t make himself move clear of the tracks. “I know they were together for a long time, and I assume the break-up was pretty rough. I mean, he ran all the way to America to get away from it.”

“Break-up?” Hermione repeats, her voice as fragile as ceramic.

“Well, yeah, I assumed…” William trails off. “What?”

Harry’s tempted to peek out into the living room, to ease open the door enough to see what expression on Hermione’s face put that tone in William’s voice, faintly baffled dawning dread, but Harry still can’t move as the silence stretches out, interminable and thick as syrup.

“William,” Hermione says, her voice terribly gentle. “Draco’s dead.”

And even after all this time, the words hit him as hard as the explosion had all those years ago, rocking him to his very core and he’s caught in a sharp wave of heartache just as strong as the very first. He must have moved, must have made some sound, because the door swings open, warm firelight falling on him, and there’s Hermione, and the look on her face is just as awful as he thought it’d be. And he can’t take it, he can’t take any of this. He takes one step back, then another, then another, then turns sharply in place and disappears.

Harry doesn’t think about where he’s going, and he’s more surprised to find that he hasn’t Splinched himself than he is that he’s ended up in his warehouse. He’s just behind the line he’d marked on the floor years ago, the toes of his socks just inches from it. He’s just inches from seeing Draco again, but he can’t seem to make himself take that step. So instead he settles down on the cold concrete floor, knees drawn up to his chest, arms clasped loosely around his shins, and just sits and sits.