Jade's Journey

Wednesday, 11.05.2011

Hey...

Lizzy, I'm scared. Mommy is in the hospital again... She didn't eat since my last letter and didn't really leave her room. I visited her in the hospital yesterday, but she didn't notice me. Daddy didn't visit her, but I didn't expect him to anyways. He's always working. The doctor asked me where Daddy is and I didn't know how to respond. I don't really talk anymore. In school they call me the Quiet Kid and push me around, but that's okay. I don't mind it as long as I have my drawings to distract me. I got better with drawing! I draw daily and sometimes you're in my drawings too. You know... lately I don't feel anything anymore but fear and sadness or - as Mommy called it - emptyness. It's a weird and exhausting feeling, but it's okay.
Lizzy I had a nightmare last night. I saw a lot of blood and heard someone screaming. I wanted to ask the doctor today if that's normal for people my age, but I couldn't find the words. I think about drawing what happens in my dreams to get all these thoughts and memories out of my head, but I don't want to be a bigger freak then I already am. I wonder what Daddy would think if he saw such drawings...
Lizzy, do you remember the time we secretly watched a horror movie? I was 6 and you were 15, remember? It was bloody and very creepy and I had heavy nightmares, but you sat next to me the whole night, held my hand and said it was just a dream. I remember your exact words. :)
"As long as the nightmares don't become reality there's nothing to fear."
That really cheered me up back then. I want the old times back. I want to hold your hand again, but therefore we would have to meet again. Slowly I'm losing faith... Why didn't you come back yet? Please come and see Mommy in the hospital. You don't have to visit me if you don't want to, but please visit Mommy. She needs me. The doctor said she's getting weaker from day to day. Please...

Jade