Ceremonials

All My Stumbling Phrases

A/N: Thank you to a tumblr anon who wanted to know Draco's thoughts when Hermione almost shouted at her parents that she wanted Draco in her life forever in chapter 41.

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The night thus far had mostly gone to plan. Draco had survived every boorish, simpering attendee at the Grangers' Christmas party with a combination of carefully cultivated charm and Occlumency.

I am okay with this.

He'd anticipated the standoffish attitude from Dr. and Dr. Granger, but he hadn't foreseen them sinking so low as to invite Hermione's ex.

A move they probably regretted now.

Hermione was on a tear and he really shouldn't find it this attractive. It was ever so delightful when he could witness her fury without being on the receiving end of it.

"...Do you understand how unbelievably insulting this was to Draco? To me? Even if I weren't completely in love with this man," she gestured vaguely towards Draco and kept going.

He repressed a smirk. Barely.

Off she went again, spewing what he suspected was years' worth of pent up grievances at her parents' behavior and downright dismissive attitude towards their daughter's shining brilliance.

They tried to argue back, and Draco almost scoffed at the attempt. These people had raised her and yet they thought they could best her in a disagreement?

They even threw out not completely unfounded accusations about the upcoming New Years' Gala at his mother's home, prompting Granger to reach a new decibel level.

"I EXPECT IT OF THEM... no offense Malfoy," she added, unnecessarily. He couldn't give a fuck if she insulted his mother's upcoming party or acquaintances.

Until now, this family drama had straddled the line between amusing and uncomfortable. But then Granger catapulted it into another realm.

"....Draco is going to be in my life forev—for the foreseeable future, if he'll still have me after all this!"

Draco had the tiniest bit of wherewithal to quietly offer, "Granger, I think you'll want a Silencing Charm."

And then he left the planet. Or at least, mentally he ventured off on some other plane of existence.

Forever. That was the word she'd stumbled over.

Forever.

With him.

Unending mornings of scones at the café, countless nights together in bed, time extended on with no finale, no expiration, just a constant state of having her by his side.

Like an overexcited crup, the thought chased its own tail round and round in his head.

Dimly, he had awareness of some sort of reconciliation occurring between the Grangers but it wasn't half as interesting as imagining his neverending time with Hermione.

Her parents apologized which, while about fucking time, barely registered with him either. He endured an awkward hug and awkward handshake and another awkward hour or so amongst the party guests.

None of that mattered.

Forever.

But, his mind argued, she hadn't actually said it. Not outright. She'd tripped over it and quickly course corrected. Perhaps she regretted her slip of the tongue?

Granger thought everything through. It was a hallmark of her cognitive process to map out every avenue, consider every outcome, relive past events and then apply that knowledge to future action.

He could see it happening in real time now as she curled up next to him in her bed that night. She fidgeted and sighed and scrunched her brow in that adorable way of hers that meant her brain could not and would not shut off.

And instead of letting the matter drop, he decided to call her out, because Draco was nothing if not an architect of his own undoing most days.

"All right there Granger?"

"Yes!" she squeaked in surprise. "Of course! Fine!"

"You're lying."

She gently pried herself out of his embrace. She sat up to face him and he followed suit, wondering if he'd just signed himself up for heartache.

"What I said to my parents," she began slowly. "I fear I may have come across too forward or presumptuous about... about us. I hope I haven't scared you off."

Scared him off? What a laughable concept.

I'm only constantly bidding for more of your time and attention, it's honestly a miracle you haven't run off in the opposite direction.

"No, you uh... you didn't."

She sputtered and rambled some more before centering herself.

"I love you. But we've never discussed where either of us sees this relationship heading."

Well, I've discussed it with my healer. Sort of.

As for where it's heading? Fucking anywhere you want Granger.

Just fucking tell me you meant it. Tell me you'll always be the woman who was proud to be in my arms in front of everyone at that gala. Tell me you'll always defend me, defend us, to ignorant little trainee healers and your parents alike.

Tell me I'm worth forever.

I am okay with this.

But self-preservation won out.

"Where would you like it to head?" he turned her statement into a question, parried back her way.

She babbled again. Rambled and grappled with her words. Eventually she tossed out another question.

"I suppose the question plaguing my mind is whether you see a point in the future where we are no longer together?"

Occlumency. He nestled into the protective cocoon of blankness, escaped into the nothingness. He had to, in order to voice his own edifying question.

I am okay with this. I am okay with this.

"Are you asking me if I see an end date to being with you?"

What a horrible fucking thought to put into the universe.

She nodded and he saw the reflected vulnerability.

Draco knew he could be draining. That his constant need for validation could be a hardship. Sometimes, she needed reassurance too, needed him to perform the emotional labor.

"No. No Hermione. What I feel for you is... it certainly isn't fleeting."

A good start, but he pushed himself further. With great effort, Draco peeled back the mental wards he'd constructed to protect himself.

"Every version of my future includes you. I'm yours in whatever capacity you'll have me."

Just so long as you'll have me.

Then her hands were in his hair and a gorgeous reply left her mouth.

"That suits me just fine since I have no intention of ever letting you go," she said.

She kissed him with intent, with care, and with a grin that prevented their lips from staying connected. He cupped her face and pulled back, feeling his features pull into a similar expression of joy.

"I love you."

Reciprocated by her. Every time, without fail when he said it. He eased her back down and took her slowly, repeating his declaration like a refrain.

Always, he said with his touches. Yours, he said with his kisses. Hermione, he said aloud as he peaked.

Forever.