Breaking Through

Almost Friends

A few weeks had passed since I moved into the Compound and I was getting pretty used to the place.I got to know the others and socialized a bit but still mostly kept to myself.Me and Brittany continued silently communicating with each other by leaving gifts and notes outside each other's door.

I enjoyed doing this with her because it made her comfortable and it gave us a chance to be almost friends without speaking.I'd leave her candy or coloring books and she'd leave me books or movies she thought I might like.We did this back and forth undetected the whole time which made it all the more fun.

I cut my hair to make it shorter and even used the hair supplies she left me which worked like a dream.I left a picture of it along with a necklace that said "Bucky's Doll" and in return she left me some tv shows to watch and a stack of pancakes she had made herself.They tasted heavenly and left me wanting more.

One day while on a run with Steve he asked something completely out of the blue."Hey Buck glad your settling in alright and making small social visits with the others.How has your quest to get Brittany to open up been going any luck there yet."

I didn't want to betray her trust so I simply extended the truth a teensy bit."Everything is going great but you were right she is a tough nut to crack.I think I'm done trying for good and just gonna leave her be.Let her enjoy her privacy without me barging in."Steve seemed to believe me so we just finished our run in silence then went our separate ways.

I returned to my room to find a small note along with some cookies and new 40's records. "Thanks for not betraying my trust today even though you had to embellish the truth a little to keep our secret.Glad to have you as an almost friend James."I grabbed my gifts for her out of my closet and placed them outside her door. It was a new arts and crafts kit and a new throw blanket along with a small "Anytime Doll" note attached.

I closed the door so we couldn't see each other then listened for her to come out.She picked up the items then mumbled a small thanks before going back to her room.I seemed to be breaking through to her slowly but surely and that's all I need.She's the only one who calls me James besides Steve but I don't mind.I like it better than her calling me Bucky which is still nice to hear too.

Eventually she started leaving me little hiding spots that I could go to that were peaceful and had beautiful scenery in case I ever needed and escape from reality or just needed to clear my head.I took her advice and tried them and boy was she right about the beautiful quietness of it all.I would stay at the different places for hours on end just to enjoy myself and get out of my own head.

I started giving her tips on how to control the nightmares once I realized that's why she would have blank stares on her face.She didn't tell me about them and I didn't ask because all she wanted was someone to help her through them without talking or looking.We would sit with our backs pressed to opposite sides of her door until she felt better.We wouldn't say anything just sit in silence.

We still had no physical contact just silent understandings.We grew to be silent friends which was fine for the both of us.One day when I was sitting at her door after one of her nightmares I felt something brush against my metal fingertips.I looked down and realized it was her invisible fingers touching mine.It was small but a good sign so I gently placed my fingers on top of hers.We stayed like this for a few minutes until we heard someone coming down the hall so we pulled our fingers off of each other's backed away from the door.I closed my door so no one could see me then a few moments later there was a knock at my door.

"Hey Buck you might wanna stay in the Compound for a couple of days and skip the early morning runs for a bit.There's a nasty flu bug going around outside and I don't want you to catch it.The rest of us will still stick to our regular routines just we'll be inside more.You can still keep to your routine just know you will be seeing more of us around the place.We promise not to bother you I was just giving you a heads up."

I looked up from my tv where an old movie was playing and looked over at Steve. "Thanks Steve for the heads up.I'll probably just be in my room more so if one of you catches it you don't pass it to me."He just smirked at me then closed the door and walked away.I waited a few minutes then went back to Brittany's door once Steve was gone.

She sat down too and we resumed lightly touching each other's hands in peaceful silence. After a while I felt her slide her fingers back under the door and walk away so I did the same.We started silently making contact under her door over the next couple days which seemed to make her more relaxed.

Soon after that I started going on missions with the others leaving Brittany all by herself.I told her she could go in my room if she wanted and help herself to anything and she gave me a small memento to keep with me so I wouldn't miss her too much.She gave me a locket that said "James' Friend" on it.

I kept it with me on missions and would tell her about them through notes under the door when I got back.Sometimes I would find my bed had been slept in or my Bucky bear and a sweatshirt had gone missing.They would turn up outside my door the day after smelling like strawberries or vanilla.Sometimes lavender or honey.Each smell had a different reason behind it.

Strawberry meant she was crying because she missed me.Vanilla was when she had a nightmare.Lavender was when she was lonely. Honey was when she borrowed something in my room to keep herself company.She'd slide notes that mentioned how much she was liking the 40's and how peaceful and calm it made her feel.I'd then tell her something else I remembered about the 40's to make her happy.

We moved on to simple conversations through the door then we traded numbers.We did this whether I was coming back from a mission or staying at the Compound away from missions. Sometimes I'd sit there and listen as she expressed her emotions then try to comfort her.Sometimes she'd do the same for me.She knew about my nightmares too and would help me out even if I didn't tell her about them.

One day we moved on to being in the same room with a little distance.We would sit together and silently hold hands with a few pillows between us while holding conversations.She was still invisible which was fine but it was also nice to break through to her a little.She could see me but I couldn't see her yet we could still feel each other's warm embrace through simple hand holding.

We moved on to sitting next to each other without the pillows to close the gap.We'd switch between sitting in my room,her room, or one of the hiding spots she told me about.She let down her invisible barrier in her room when I was in there to show how much she trusted me.She trusted me enough to move on to us switching between us sleeping in bed together in her room and my room.She'd patch me up when I came home injured from missions by cuddling with me and wearing my sweatshirt and sweatpants that she loved so much cause she knew it made me feel better even if I couldn't see her wearing them.

After one particularly hard mission I was feeling more exhausted than usual but I thought it was simple jet lag that I could sleep off.I greeted her by climbing in my bed with her and giving her a hug.She was invisible but I knew she was there by the way the bed was formed on my side and the way my Bucky bear was positioned.I could feel my sweatsuit on her body as I hugged her which was nice.It was a mix of all 4 scents:Strawberry,Vanilla, Lavender,and Honey which had only happened a few times.I knew she wanted to cuddle and talk to feel better because that's what we do every time she mixes the scents.She felt me hug her so she woke up and hugged me back.

"James I missed you so much.The nightmares are getting worse and I didn't know what to do. I slept in here every night and I wore some of your clothes which made me feel better but I still needed cuddles and a long talk session. Please just stay with me tonight I don't wanna be alone.Your the only one I trust and feel safe with.It's been a ridiculously long time since I felt like this."I could hear the pain and hurt in her voice so I just let her cry into my shoulder as I rubbed her back and her fingers played with my hair which felt nice.

It was late at night so the others were bound to be asleep so I took the opportunity to sit and listen to Brittany as she told me what happened.It was the same nightmare as always but this one felt more real like she was actually there and not just a memory like the others. She never told me about her past which I respected and never asked about.I held her on my lap and rocked her until she fell asleep then I laid her back down next to me then I fell asleep right after her.