[Xingqiu x Chongyun] Lost For Words☆

Confessed

I get up and lean over to my window, it was close to my bed.

I place the tassel next to me.

As I look out, I see a dark figure with icy blue hair. Chongyun.

"H-hi Chongyun." I say, opening my window.

I look out and see him sitting on the wooden platform underneath my window, which I've used to escape many times.

"Xingqiu, how are you feeling?" He asks me.

Seeing him now... feels weird.

I dont know how to speak.

"I'm fine." I quickly say. "You didn't have to come and check up on me."

It feels, so tense.

"Its late Chongyun, you should head home." I smile at him as I reach to close the window.

"Xingqiu, wait." He calls out as he grabs hold of my hand.

"Xingqiu!"

I quickly pull my hand away from him, thinking back to that night.

"Ah, sorry Chongyun." I laugh nervously, avoiding his eyes. "I dont want you getting sick or anything. You know."

"Ah... yeah. Sorry." I hear him say.

We both sit in silence, with nothing but an odd atmosphere, I cant describe.

I'm not sure what to say.

I told myself I'd tell him about what happened... but... right now?

Should i?

"Hey Xingqiu..." Chongyun finally speaks. "I'm sorry for last night. I- well you know, I didn't mean anything that I did."

Listening to his words hurt...

"Xingqiu... do... do you like me?"

It stung...

"...how could i- how could I tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I like you Xingqiu!"

I wish I didn't know.

That a part of me...

hoped...

Those words, were true.

But he says he didn't mean it... that's if he even remembers.

"Well, if I did anything." I hear him finish.

'So he doesn't'

I lower my head. Looking down to the amber tassel, just moments ago it seemed like a promise.

A promise to tell Chongyun, about that night and fix things between us...

Because we're friends...

But now...

It looked dull as I reach out and hold it in my hand. apart of it seemed...

Useless...

to me now.

"So..." I begin to speak. "Do you... remember, Chongyun?" I grip the tassel tightly.

I feel... angry, hurt, sad... I dont want to be here, talking to him right now.

"Xingqiu are you okay? I know I-"

"No, Chongyun... I'm not okay." I find myself saying, my voice and hands shaking. "You dont know."

I sound, angry.

"Did you just lie to me? Or did you really see it all as a joke?" I ask him.

'No'

'What am I doing?'

I continue to speak, no control over my own words.

"You probably did both, right?" I clench my teeth, filled with a hurting anger.

"Xingqiu..." Chongyun went to speak, but hearing his voice only hurts me more.

"Did you really see my feelings as a complete joke towards you, Chongyun!?"

I feel my body shaking, I hold the tassel in both of my hands, as I tighten my grip.

"I get it..." I laugh a bit, feeling myself only fall deeper down into my emotions.

'Stop'

"Last night was a joke to, right?"

'You're making it worse'

"Well... it wasn't very funny... you know that."

I tighten my grip even more, I could feel my palms sting as my fingers tightened.

"Xingqiu." Chongyun calls out.

I lift up my head to see him looking at me, his eyes wide, his face with a confused expression I've never seen before.

"Ha." I let out a huff of air, that was more or less meant to resemble a laugh. "I'm sorry Chongyun." I apologize, quickly trying to gather myself.

"I'm still not feeling well Chongyun." I try to say as an attempt to escape what I've put myself in,but the anger was stil there "I'll talk to you when I feel-"

"'You said a joke... that what I said was a joke... Xingqiu what did I say?" Chongyun asked, his tone didn't seem to different mine.

"I dont want to talk right now Chongyun, I-" he interrupts again.

"Call me yun, Xingqiu!" Chongyun raises his voice, leaving us both suprise.

"What did I say." He coughs and continues on, ignoring his own words.

I slouch over, burying my head on my arms, against the windowsill.

It was no use to try and leave now... with my rant from before, everything now had to be said.

"Shouldn't you have already guessed by now?" I say, hoping Chongyun understands. my face hidden.

"..." he stays silent.

"Then you have." I mutter.

"Yeah..."

Another wave of silence washes over us. I hate it.

"That I..." he begins to speak.

"That you..."

"Confessed."
We both say.