Jess' Girl

Chapter 14

He wasn't coming back. I thought he would and I waited sat at my window, eyes peeled on the bus stop. He wasn't coming back. It didn't take long for me to realise and drag myself out of my room and back to work. 

He had even ruined the diner for me. It felt like my shadow weighed ten times more as I dragged myself around the diner working. Everyone knew too and kept telling me to take some time off but I couldn't leave Luke. He may not say it but he misses Jess too. 

Currently curled up on my work break, inhaling the last of Jess' scent imprinted into his bed, I tried to close my eyes and imagine the pillows were him. Instead of the chatter from the dinner, I flickered back to the memory of Jess reading aloud to me, focusing in on the way he says certain words and the careful crisp flick of the pages as he read. He'd been gone for nearly a month and certain memories were starting to dim. Was I forgetting the exact shade of his eyes? The tint of his hair? The only thing I remember is his smell but even that is slowly fading from his sheets. 

Hiding out in Luke's apartment had been a recluse to get away from everyone blaming Jess. Sure, I was angry with Jess but not because of my wrist more so because he'd left with out saying anything. I was angry that he'd left at all, he was finally fitting in but then ditched. 

"El!" Luke shouted up the stairs to me. 

I sighed as I shuffled off the bed, pulling the sheets taunt as if I hadn't been on it. I tried to leave no trace of my presence but Luke must know, he acted like he knew. I guess I must have that trance-like look in his eyes just as he did when someone mentioned Jess. Jess had called Luke but everytime Luke tried to pass it to me he hung up. The one time I answered it, Jess must have hung up because I was met with the sound of the dial tone. 

"I'm coming," I walked down the stairs and into the dinner, scanning the place for Luke until he emerged from the kitchen. 

"El, you can take off early. Looks like there won't be any diner rush tonight so Caesar and I can handle it," Luke insisted popping a plate of food in front on one of the customers at the counter. 

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you after school tomorrow unless you need help with the breakfast shift?" I asked pulling off my apron. 

"Should be okay for breakfast by myself just show up after school? Do you have anymore of those book tests?" Luke asked. 

I nodded, "Next Friday is the last one and it's on Dracula." 

"Go study Dracula then and I'll see you tomorrow," Luke nodded to me just as the landline phone rang. Luke walked over and settled the phone between his ear and shoulder as he set about refilling the coffee pot. 

Heading to the door, I pulled my jacket on.

"Oh, hey Jess." 

My spine straightened and I felt sick. Everything slowed around me as I rushed to the door yanking it open and fleeing. I didn't worry about the loud slam the door made behind me as I ran straight across the road to the square. My heart thumped against my chest and my head spun, for a moment I could see him everywhere. Leaning against a tree. Reading on one of the benches. I even thought I saw him walking out of Doose's Market. 

He was everywhere but nowhere at the same time. Sometimes at night, I wake myself up thinking I can hear him knocking on my window but in reality it is silent. He is everywhere in my room. I can hear him judging my stuff, making fun of all my pageant and dance costumes. Jess Mariano had ingrained himself in my brain and heart and I just couldn't shake him. 

Since it was almost the dinner shift at the diner, I should head home for food but I wasn't hungry. I was rarely hungry these days. I mainly ate to support the image of myself I projected to the town. The image that says, 'Hi, yes, I am okay and no I don't miss my ex-boyfriend who never actually broke up with me or asked me out properly'.