for once in your life, trust someone else.

golden boy

I wake up the happiest I've been in a long time. Honestly, I still can't really believe what happened last night. If someone told yesterday me that I would end up kissing Pope Heyward in the rain I definitely would not have believed them.

I roll over to check my messages.

Pope:

I need to tell you something important.

Come over when you wake up?

The smile immediately vanishes. What does he have to tell me? Did he not mean what he said last night? Does he not like me? Does he think I'm a bad kisser?

be there soon, I text.

_

Pope answers the door, a worried look on his face. 

"You okay man?" I ask.

"Just come in," he says.

We sit in Pope's room in awkward, stifling silence until he finally says.

"I got the scholarship."

"That's amazing!" I hug him, but he looks sad.

"What's wrong? Shouldn't that be a good thing?"

"It's a school in California."

I feel like I've been stabbed in the chest.

"Look JJ, I really like you, I do, but I can't be in a relationship if I'm going to California in two months. I wouldn't want to hurt you. Or myself."

I don't know what to say. I'm happy for Pope because I know this is his dream, but I'm also angry that he'd want to leave the Outer Banks. Leave me.

"You wouldn't hurt me." I finally say. "And it's not for two months. Do you want to miss out on what could be two amazing months together?"

He won't look at me.

"Please just go JJ."

As I leave the room, all I can think about is how I wish I was honest with Pope earlier.

_

"So you kissed in the rain and now he's saying he won't be with you because he's leaving in two months?" Kie asks.

"Pretty much," I say. "Why didn't I tell him earlier Kie? Why did I waste all these months we could have had together?"

"Because you can be an idiot sometimes?"

"You're supposed to be comforting me, not insulting me."

"Sorry. But it's not the end of the world. I'm sure he'll visit. And who knows? Maybe you'll find someone new while he's gone."

"But they won't be Pope."

_

It's the Kook party of the year, and I should be having a blast. There's free alcohol, and I'm with my friends. But all I can think about is Pope. Topper decides he wants a chat, making my already shitty day even worse.

"I've noticed you and your little boyfriend aren't together right now. Lovers quarrel?" he smirks.

"Like I've said before, Pope is not my boyfriend."

"Yeah right. You're both disgusting little f**s."

I know I shouldn't but I'm angry. I'm angry at Topper, at Rafe and at myself. I make yet another one of my stupid decisions and punch Topper right in the mouth.

_

I wake up in a familiar room, my head throbbing.

"Morning buddy." Pope's sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling at me. I try not to stare and do my best to ignore the fact that he looks really fucking good right now.

"Why am I here? What happened?"

"You and Topper got in a fight about God knows what, and you got beat up pretty bad so I brought you back here." He gets up. "I'm gonna make breakfast. Want something?"

I want to say yes. I want to have breakfast with Pope. I want to talk to him. I want to be his friend again. But I know it'll just hurt more. 

"It's ok, I really should be going."

"JJ-"

"No, I really should, I have a shift soon."

I get up, even though the pounding in my head tells me to lie right back down. I gather my stuff, and Pope walks me to the front door.

"I'm sorry," he says, almost whispering.

"Me too."

I hate myself for walking away from him, from us, but I have to. I won't let him get hurt.

a/n - sorry this chapter is kinda bad, I felt like updating but was struggling with the inspiration of what to write.