Mark Me { Jeon Jungkook Fanfic }

Chapter 5

When Jungkook's weeping finally stopped, Celia pulled away to look him in the face. His eyes were swollen and red. His eyelids drooped in exhaustion. He didn't look like he was in any shape to go home.

Celia stroked his short hair gently. It was still a bit spikey from his military buzzcut. "Do you want to stay over?" she asked.

Jungkook's eyes grew wide, and he coughed nervously for a moment. "Ah --- I don't think I'm up to --- you know ---. I mean, now is not a really good time for me to ---," he stammered.

Celia smiled. "I didn't mean sex, silly. I just meant that you look exhausted and might want to crash here rather than go home."

"Oh, yeah --- yeah. Yeah, I can stay. It's getting kind of late, and I am pretty beat. I just didn't want you to be offended that I'm not up to doing anything because, I promise you, it's not about you," he explained.

"Oh, I know it's not about me," Celia answered. "Because there's not a damn thing wrong with all of this," she teased, moving her hands down her body.

"No, nothing at all wrong there," Jungkook concurred. "I'm just feeling kind of raw. I mean, I feel really dumb for saying that."

"Why would you feel dumb? I mean, what happened to you guys was sexual abuse. That's not something people just get over without help," offered Celia constructively.

Jungkook looked puzzled. "I mean, does it count as sexual abuse if they never touched us?"

"Damn straight, it counts!" Celia countered. "Making others watch sexual acts, sexualized talk, sexual humiliation ---! I mean, what part of that doesn't seem like abuse to you?!"

"Wow, OK. You don't have to get mad about it," laughed Jungkook.

Celia's face was as serious as the grave. "I DO have to get mad about this! I DO!" She took his face in her hands. "You need to know that you and your friends are worth defending. Don't you see that each of you is someone's precious son? And, yes, it makes me mad! It makes me mad as hell for you!"

"Is this the lioness coming out again?" he asked.

"It is. I get the feeling we'll be seeing a lot of her in the months to come because there's no way she's gonna leave this alone," Celia confirmed.

Jungkook looked at her with admiration. "I can see why your boss is so in love with you," he said wistfully.

"Joon-Woo?!" Celia asked incredulously. "He's not in love with me," she argued. "He's just kind of floating through life. I doubt he really even notices me."

"Um, I'm pretty sure he notices you," Jungkook replied. "The other day, I saw him watching you leave the room, and his eyes stayed on you until you were completely out of sight. I was going to mention it before, but I didn't want to sound jealous."

"I don't know what you think you've seen, but I can assure you that Joon-Woo doesn't go that deep. His deepest thought is usually about what he's having for lunch. I wouldn't worry about him," Celia laughed. "Now, you, on the other hand, are the darling of Korea. If anyone has the right to be jealous, it would be me," she clarified. "But I don't get jealous because it's a useless emotion. What good does it do to be jealous? None at all. So, I just don't do it."

Jungkook looked at her like she was from another planet. "You can't just turn your emotions on and off like that just because you decide to," he declared as he stretched his long legs out in front of him.

"Well, admittedly, I can't do it with every emotion," Celia conceded. "I mean, some things just clamor for your attention. Like grief and pain," she continued. "Those are things you can't just turn off. Pain is like a smoke alarm that warns you that you're in danger. You wouldn't want to take the batteries out of the alarm." She trailed her index finger along his jawline. "If you take the batteries out, you won't feel the pain, but you're likely to die in the fire."

Jungkook nodded pensively. "So, what's your advice for this crap load of pain I'm carrying." His eyes had the lost look of a child.

Celia took Jungkook by the chin and looked him in the eye. "Two things," she said. "You have to feel the pain and you have to tell your story. Painful memories tend to get stored in fragments in our brains. So, if we want to process them, we have to build a coherent story that has a clear beginning, middle, and end." She kissed his forehead gently. "If I were you, I would write down everything you can remember about your time in the military and try to compile it all into a story that can easily be told to someone else."

"That's a good idea," Jungkook said. "It's just that I feel like my story isn't even the worst one. There are so many guys out there holding a silent story inside with nowhere to share it."

Celia sat quietly for a moment, lost in thought. "People say that every tattoo tells a story," she commented. "Wouldn't it be cool to have a shop that was centered on military guys and helping them tell their stories through tattoos?"

"That would be awesome!" Jungkook replied, feeling energized for the first time in months. "We could run our own shop and make designs based on the kinds of stories the guys tell us. Our tattoo chair can be like a psychiatrist's couch," he joked.

Jungkook's enthusiasm was contagious and soon Celia was on board with the idea of them opening a shop. "You bring out a good point," she said. "The chance that most of these guys will visit a psychiatrist is very low, but they might sit in our tattoo chair and share their stories with us."

Celia grabbed her laptop. "In fact, why wait until we've started the shop?" she asked. "Why not solicit stories now? We could open up a space online where guys could go to tell their stories because these are stories that have to be told. We need to give guys a place where their stories will be honored," she said, typing quickly. "From my work in advocacy, I've found that giving a voice to the voiceless is one of the greatest things we can do to help people regain their power."

Celia went about creating a website to be a repository for the stories of these brave men who had suffered unnecessary harm as they served their country. Jungkook leaned over her shoulder, watching as she expertly integrated some of her tattoo designs into the website format along with tips on how to best express their stories. She created spaces for poetry, music, visual arts, dance, and short stories.

"I can't believe what we've accomplished in just a few hours," Jungkook marveled.

"Well, I'm sure I'll have to do some finetuning on the website, but we're off to a good start. Next, we'll need to find a building and get funding and all that," Celia said.

"We can open it up for donations later, but for now, I'm willing to invest my own money in this," Jungkook offered.

"I don't know," Celia said hesitantly. "If we are going in on this 50/50, it's not right for you to provide all the capital upfront."

Jungkook laughed. "You sure are one independent lady," he teased.

"Yeah, it's what I do. I handle my own stuff. I've always been like that," she answered as she glanced at her phone. "It's almost 3:00 AM," she said. "We should get some sleep. After all, I still have a real job to show up at tomorrow," she added.

"Where do you want me to sleep?" Jungkook asked awkwardly.

"We can sleep in the bed with our heads on opposite ends for protection," Celia said with a mischievous grin.

"For whose protection?" he questioned. "Yours or mine?"

"Mm. I would say mostly for your protection," she teased, "because you look so hot when your eyes are all droopy and tired. I'm not sure I could contain myself."

They lay down just as Celia had suggested with their heads on opposite ends of the bed. "Get some good sleep," she said, squeezing his bare foot with her hand.

"You too," he said, kissing a fascinating freckle that he found on the bottom of her foot.