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Review #2 | Being Eve Summers

Title: Being Eve Summers

Author: miamwrites

Summary: 5/5

I think the summary for your novel is perfect, especially for the story itself. First of all, I just absolutely love that contradictory moment of Eve hating music, but now she's the lead singer of the music band in college – that is instantly so amusing and gripping. I think your use of rhetorical questions at the end are great, and I'm immediately curious about demons of the past, which is great! I wonder if you could maybe hint at the demons of the past earlier, so it doesn't' come out of the blue in the very last sentence? If not, no worries – it's still a cohesive and well-written summary.

Grammar: 4/5

For the most part, your grammar and punctuation was really good! It was very polished and refined, so really well done on that front. There was just one glaring issue I kept coming across, especially in the latter few chapters, that I want to discuss. This rule is particularly important for the sake of fluency and cohesion.

Dialogue, and paragraphing. Long story short, unless it is a very specific situation where two characters are speaking at the exact same time, each character should get a new paragraph when they speak after someone else. Here are some examples from your story:

"What?" I squeaked. Addy let out a sigh. "Are you still debating whether to join the band?"

It should be:

"What?" I squeaked.

Addy let out a sigh. "Are you still debating whether to join the band?"

Another example:

"That's not how queens behave," I added, laughing. "I don't care," she cried before shutting the door.

It should be:

"That's not how queens behave," I added, laughing.

"I don't care," she cried before shutting the door.

Characterisation: 4/5

Something that instantly drew me to Eve was her distinct, unashamed attitude to herself – she knows she is an analytical person, and she owns that from the start where we literally watch her making assumptions or observations about the people on campus. She seems very self-aware, and what I love is how she encompasses a sense of wisdom; she has a lot to teach the readers about life being a flurry of contradictions and hypocrisy ruling our lives.

I also love the friendship with Addy! It feels very real, how they constantly bicker, tease, bring each other to tears, but they recover from it stronger than ever. I also like that, instead of dumping the 'ghosts of Eve's past', you withhold it from the reader from the beginning – adding a sense of intrigue and wonder to her character, and we get to learn about her past as we see her develop for the future. Very exciting!

I will say that her character was a bit awkward to read at times, and felt a little bit too rushed and forced, but I'll talk about that more in the next section because I think it's strongly tied to the writing and less of the character themselves.

Writing Style: 3.5/5

Okay, so to begin, there are some wonderful and even magical moments of description throughout your writing. That moment where she sings at the audition took my breath away – as someone who sings, I think the way you described it was just fantastic. The way she became a spectator to her own voice, and it just felt so real with her going back and forth between trusting the music and questioning herself, only to find herself in a place where she was floating in a comfortable space as she sang. It was really great.

Now, I mentioned in the last section that the character felt a little awkward to read at times, and said this tied in closely to the writing style. Let's go through a stand out example for me – your very first paragraph.

The sweltering sun rays and the chatter always offered a pleasant distraction from the torments and questions of life. Students flooded the campus, distracting me from my problems as I sat under one of the trees in the garden across the main hall. It was the beginning of a new semester; that meant renewed opportunities, a fresh way to do what you couldn't do the previous year.

However, I was brought out of my musings by another student who passed by me.

This is your introduction to the story, so remember, it's our first impression outside the blurb. I like the idea and where it leads, but the writing itself feels a bit disjointed. Let's discuss!

The sweltering sun rays and the chatter always offered a pleasant distraction from the torments and questions of life.

What questions? We don't see any torments and questions of life, so we don't feel her getting distracted. Why don't you start off with a question of life that you end up needing a 'distraction' from?

Students flooded the campus, distracting me from my problems as I sat under one of the trees in the garden across the main hall.

What problems? We just met this problem, and they've told us they have problems. But they haven't shown us. And it's instantly glossed over and not brought back for a while. Slow it down. What problems? If you don't want to show it to us, then don't even mention there are problems. Just describe the campus, and what she's doing, what she's trying to do and such.

It was the beginning of a new semester; that meant renewed opportunities, a fresh way to do what you couldn't do the previous year.

However, I was brought out of my musings by another student who passed by me.

The musing lasts one sentence before she's brought out of it, which barely sounds like she's been brought out of anything at all. If you're going to suggest someone being brought out of their musings, you need to actually have it be musings – with a few more sentences of thoughtful questioning. Flesh it out. Show, don't tell us; make sure you're not glossing over points and rushing through it.

Plot + Originality: [no score – not added to final score]

Okay, so with only five chapters available right now, it felt a bit too early to give this a score because I'm still gauging the shape of the story. However, it is very clearly about Eve's development as a person – I love the direction that I think you're taking with it, where you make her explore her past while reigniting her passions. I think the constant pulse of, You're a failure, Eve. You're a bull is super effective and impactful, especially because I'm now excited to see her shutting away those thoughts and growing confident in herself.

There are also some gorgeous moments that I think I'll remember for a long time in this story! The moment where she sings a song about friendship, and how friends are people who are there with you when you're alone, secret bearers and such, and looks directly at Addy – that was so precious. Keep moments like those up, they add a layer of warmth to your story!

Overall, very excited to see how Eve adjusts and fits into The Musafirs, and to see her grow as a person. I think your novel will hold a very important message for people who are holding themselves back due to their insecurities.

OVERALL SCORE: 16.5/20

Overall, a very cute novel so far! A lot of wisdom and character growth promise within it, and I'm excited to see that fully spill onto the pages. Good luck with the rest!

EDIT: I JUST realised that I've reviewed/judged your previous works, so long ago under a different username! It's so sweet that you've asked for another! I hope you're doing well!