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Review #33 | Tale of the Princess

Title: Tale of the Princess

Author: ScribbleYourThoughts

Summary: 3.5/5

I think you have some great things happening in this summary. You introduce your protagonist, her world, her goals—and then show the conflict really clearly. I like some of the suspenseful language used, and the rhetorical questions at the end are quite effective.

A few notes! First of all, I think your first sentence could use revising. Since it is the first sentence of your summary, it needs to be clear and punchy. I think saying 'her life has only extended till planet Ziya' – I wonder if you could capitalise Planet Ziya completely, and change the wording of 'her life has only extended' so it is a bit more clear what you mean. Even saying something like 'her life has only revolved around Planet Ziya' or something along those lines.

Also, please ensure that your questions at the end all end with question marks—one of them has a full-stop instead of a question mark. Also, I think the link between 'cue the prince sweeping her off her feet' and 'her moralities are question as her husband is stolen'—it was a little bit like "oh, wait, they're married now?" Maybe making a more clear link there. I know you make the remark that 'charming princes make for great husbands, after all', but that wasn't really enough to solidify it.

Also, what political turmoil is happening in her kingdom? It wasn't mentioned before in the summary, so when it comes up suddenly at the end as a rhetorical question/choice she has to make, it feels a bit random.

Overall, good work!

Grammar: 3.5/5

In terms of grammar, you're doing a pretty great job! I especially noticed that a bunch of the common errors in the earlier chapters were less common in latter chapters, so I'm guessing that you were growing while writing the story—which is awesome! Here are some of the more common rules I saw being broken:

First of all, dialogue and punctuation. When dialogue is followed by a verbal dialogue tag (such as 'he said', 'she whispered', 'they exclaimed – or anything referring to how the character says the words), there should be a comma before the closing inverted commas. If it's anything else, this comma should be replaced by a period (or a question mark for a question, and an exclamation mark for an exclamation). For example:

"...and everyone was desperate to escape." Princess Shyra said.

It should be:

"...and everyone was desperate to escape," Princess Shyra said.

Another example:

"I suggest getting a small cloth and wiping your hands on it." Mahi said.

It should be:

"I suggest getting a small cloth and wiping your hands on it," Mahi said.

Be careful of capitalisation. For example:

"Tuhin, These arrows aren't going to work on them."

'These' does not need to be capitalised, as it is not the beginning of the sentence.

Please also make sure your sentences always end with full-stops. Even when you have floating, one-word thoughts like:

Marriage

It should be:

Marriage.

Overall, good work!