SHADOWS OF THE PAST (complete)

Chapter 19

I have since been rooted in my spot, haven't said anything, he did all the talking, I'm shocked, I'm numb I'm-I don't know what to say. It is a lot, hell it is all massive to take. Who is this? I stand up and he immediately stands too. 

Somehow, I am not too shocked, the fact that Mirabelle may be behind Luus’ accident. Or maybe I have been through a lot this past year, nothing fazes me anymore? I do not know. 

I remove my shoes and sit on my legs on top of the couch. “Is that all?” 

He looks at me before he stands up, goes over his mini bar, and pours himself whisky. “You are probably going to hate me for this?” 

He gulps the drink and pour another one, he is stalling, I can tell. 

“Travis, what is it?” 

I do not think there is anything he can tell me that I cannot handle. “I slept with Alexa” he stops and looks at me. 

My leg starts bouncing. I bite my lip and I look at him. One minute, two minutes, three, I don’t know how many minutes passed or was it seconds? I do not know. 

“You not saying anything” he comes closer, I think. I am not sure, I am looking at him but not him, I don’t know if I make sense. “Bella” I can hear him next to me sitting down and grabbing my hand. After composing myself, I breathe out and look at him. 

“Okay, what else?” I try my best to stay calm. He is talking right. He is opening up. 

“You not upset?”

“What good would my anger do? What is done is done right?” see, I handled that one pretty well.  

“I’m sorry, I just” 

“Why did you do it?” maybe it is not all that handled. 

“I don’t have a reason why I did it, I was mad at you and-look. I know it is not an excuse but? I want you to understand that I don’t always have things figured out.”

He grabs both my hands into his. “I am used to having everything under control, but you? You make me question a lot of things, my capabilities and, I felt helpless” 

“So you went to someone you knew how to handle?” I say. 

Shamefully, he nods his head. Trying to keep my tears at bay, I stood up and wore my shoes. 

“I should get going” 

He quickly stood up and held my shoulders. “Please let me tell you everything” 

“I don’t think that’s necessary” without looking back, I rolled my suitcase and walked out the door, I saw Roy and Tylor on the foyer and I passed them without a single glance. 

When I got to the basement I took my phone out to make a call, but the flashing of lights told me that, that is the person I am meeting. 

When I got into the car, I strapped my seatbelt on and released a sigh.

“What happened?” I look at him and sigh. 

“nothing lets go” but before he could drive, Travis came down the stairs with Tylor calling out his name behind him, not once did he look back, then he got into his car and drove out. 

I felt him looking at me, but I said nothing. “Drive” and thankfully he did not question me he did exactly that. 

Days later

This time, I managed, it’s not that I don’t miss him or anything, I do, but I think my worst fear is coming to life, me learning to leave without him, I never cried and what hurts me the most is my current inability to feel sorry for him. Today I am going for my first ever ultrasound. My appointment is at twelve so it is still early, I sent him a text last night informing him about it and he has yet to respond. 

Therefore, I not feeling anything right now should be taken serious. I wake go throw up, morning sickness. Funny how now that I know I’m pregnant it has become an everyday thing, but before I was never sick. My guest. Only came that day to fetch me and went back to wherever it is that he lives. Did I mention that he helped me find this place?

It is a nice two-bedroom apartment, its thirty minutes from school and ten from shopping complexes. Speaking about school, sigh. I dropped out. With everything that is happening right now, I felt like that was not my route anymore, it’s a bit gloomy outside so I wear a pair of tracksuits and sneakers before going to the kitchen and having my breakfast. 

I am not much of a cook so cereal does the trick, plus I can’t really stomach anything lately so it’s pointless having a big breakfast when it’s just going to come back out in

- Oh, here it goes again, I rush to the bathroom and throw up again, all my breakfast gone, and I rinse my mouth and have a glass of water instead.

I decide to leave right now; I need a breath of fresh air so I will just catch a subway. I need the distraction anyway.