When Worlds Fall Apart

Chapter 1

It hurts... Physically, emotionally. Every type of pain known and unknown to mankind has been flowing through my veins since the last time I saw him. Since the day my world fell apart.

It has been the worst week of my life. It doesn't feel like only a week, but rather like a small eternity of misery. Seven days of pure torture and agony.

I want to do today what I've been doing for the past week - which is absolutely nothing. I don't want to get up out of my bed. I don't even want to move an inch... but unfortunately I have to.

I guess Billie Eilish was right: There's just no time to die.

I've called in sick to Vance everyday since the ghosts of our pasts finally caught up with us, but I can't anymore. I can't let some guy and my feelings (which are actually quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things) get in the way of my job and my future. My future - everything that I've worked so hard and tirelessly for.

Luckily I had a bunch of manuscripts that I brought home from the office that I've been able to work through while I isolated myself at home - away from him. It helped... keeping busy, that is. The manuscripts helped occupy and distract my mind.

I walk into the small kitchen that I now still share with my best friend, Calvin, and his boyfriend, Jeremy.

I miss his big, restaurant quality kitchen where I would spend hours watching him cook. But I can't let my mind dwell on the little things like that.

Being able to move back in with Cal and Jeremy is at least one thing I am thankful for. Things could have been a lot worse right now. I could've moved in with him before I realized that he and Hardin are much more alike than I initially thought. It seems like I do have a type - anger issues, stubborn and bipolar. Who would have guessed?

If I had decided to move in with him right away, I would have been royally screwed right now. I probably would have ended up homeless - sure, I have enough good friends who would take me in in a heartbeat for a while until I could find my feet again - but my pride would have possibly rather led me to a hotel. I wouldn't have been able to crawl back to Cal or Kim. I would've been too ashamed for not judging Trevor's character correctly.

I already felt pathetic enough for having to stay with Calvin again. I know he doesn't mind, but I still feel awful. He and Jeremy were supposed to have the apartment all to themselves and now they have a third wheel lugging around with them.

I make myself a cup of pipping hot coffee and then retreat back to my room - not wanting to bump into Calvin. I've been avoiding him ever since I got home that Monday night. I know that he's concerned about me and has a lot of questions, but I'm not ready to face the music yet. I just want to live in blissful denial for a little while longer.

I swallow down the last gulp of my coffee and it burns all the way down my throat, but I couldn't care less. I don't think any amount of physical pain will ever be able to add up to or compare to the emotional pain I've been put through this past week - straight from hell.

I strip down out of all my clothing, wrap a towel around myself and then leave the safe sanctuary of my room for the shower.

I turn the water on. While I wait for the water to warm up, I stare at my reflection in the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door.

After everything that happened at my parents' house, Trevor was my rock, my godsend... And now... now my rock has crumbled. Obliterated into dust.

I still see the marks he left on my body when we were making love. The purple-blue marks have now faded to a sickening yellow-green. Give it a few more days and all the reminders of everything we did in that hotelroom together - will be gone.