endure | e. jaeger & a. arlert

XIII. Secret

a/n: here it is everyone...trost pt 2 😈 good luck

Making plans was normally Armin's thing, but considering he was currently traumatized, almost getting eaten and then seeing his best friend suffer the same fate, he was in no state to do anything of the sort. That meant that it was up to you and Jean, you who had been the ones to propose such a radical course of action, to tell everyone what to do and how to do it.

"I'm thinking an all or nothing charge," you said.

"It's our best bet," Jean said immediately, "The titans have completely swarmed the supply depot, so we'll need everything we've got to have a chance of making it through."

"Agreed," Tullia said with a nod, "But that means everyone has to be willing to do this. There's no chickening out or anything like that allowed. If one of us falters, it's over for the rest."

"She's right. Are all of you prepared? You see a titan, you can't run from it. You have to kill it or distract it in some way, but if we panic, we fail," you said.

"Understood," Connie said, answering for everyone. They all looked uneasy still, but Jean's level stare and your reassuring demeanor was enough for them to stand as well, though their legs trembled and their eyes belied their fear.

"Right, then. Hopefully we'll meet Mikasa on the way there, as her aid would be invaluable, but we can't bank on it. The only ones we can count on are the ones here and now," you said.

"We can do this, everyone! I know it!" Sasha said, her optimism shining through. The girl did not have a pessimistic bone in her body, and though you knew some people might find it annoying, you found it was a relief. There was far too little light in this world, and she provided some of it. No wonder Mikasa loved her so much.

"Armin," you said softly to the boy who was standing beside you, his entire body shaking, "I need you to be at your best. I know it's hard that he's gone, but now isn't the time to grieve, you hear me? He wouldn't want you to be sad, anyways. Trust me."

He blinked at you as if he had just awoken from a long nap before saying, "You're a lot braver than I remembered."

"I'm not brave. I just see what needs to be done and I do it," you said before hugging him, "You're brave, Armin. Braver than you know. Brave enough to be able to save us all."

The cadets took off like birds, flitting through the sky, dodging titans and trying to conserve your gas.

There was a sort of beauty in the destruction, if you looked at it sideways. Life and death all came together in one fatal mosaic, so that mere steps away from a little girl's corpse, a scared boy could choose to keep going.

Your eyes tracked Jean's movements warily. He was furious, you could tell, though his rage manifested differently than Eren's did. Eren was all fire and lightning and righteous fury. Jean was cold and sharp, guilt overpowering his anger. Any titan that crossed his path, he cut down with ruthless efficiency, and you did the same, until your faces were dripping in the blood that covered your clothes, too.

Because you and Jean were the same. Second best, always falling behind the wonderful people you had trained with. Jean was a prodigy with the ODM but little else. You had a lot of theoretical knowledge but no particular talents. Yet it was you two who had witnessed the most base horrors of this world, witnessed life leave the innocent and life leave the guilty, too.

Maybe that was why you both didn't get along. Jean was your mirror, as you were his. Or perhaps you were not mirrors of each other but rather alternate versions, reflecting what might've happened if your circumstances had been different. If you didn't have Eren looking out for you, maybe you would've been cocky and quick-tempered, too. If Jean didn't have his mother there for him no matter what, maybe he would've been shy and easily hurt, too.