Dito, Sa Pagitan | Liham 1

Prologue

Prologue

Get drunk.

Wala na akong ibang maisip kundi ang magpakalunod na lamang sa alak. Galing na kami sa Lifestyle kanina. Ngayon, papasok na kami ng Xylo. I hope the alcohol poisons me, actually. I feel so horrible. I don't even know where to start.

At mas nakakabwisit na kahit ang alak at hindi umeepekto sa sistema ko. Kailan pa ako nagkaroon ng mataas na alcohol tolerance?

I paid bucks for these drinks to forget and it's not even working! Nakakapagod! Nakakagago!

But still, I drank it. Hindi ko na yata alam ang ginagawa ko. Ang gusto ko lang ngayon ay makaalis sa mga iniisip ko. It's too much to bear already.

"Ika, you are drunk!" Sigaw ni Cyan, dahil malakas ang tugtog.

"God, I wish I am!" Sigaw ko pabalik, "But I am not! Jack Daniels isn't fucking working!"

Hinilamos ko ang kamay sa mukha. Kuya, ang hirap naman. Hindi mo naman ako tinutulungan. Mas mahirap eh. Masyadong masakit. Nanunuot yung sakit sa mga sugat na mayroon na ako.

"Sayaw na lang tayo!" Cyan said, standing up from the couch we rented. I sighed and stood up after her to dance. Medyo napatid ako nang may makabanggang lalaki pero nahawak ako sa bewang.

"Sorry!" Sabi ko.

"Careful..." He said, helping me stand up before walking away. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang likod niya hanggang sa nawala ng pigura sa dagat ng mga tao dito sa Xylo.

Smells like strawberry.

Hindi ko nakita ang mukha pero naamoy ko dahil malakas ang pabango. He smelled like strawberry, mixed with mint and something I cannot name. Probably the secret ingredient of the perfume.

I started walking towards the dancefloor.

Let's have fun, Musika.

Let's just... try, okay?

With that in mind, I danced with people I don't even know and let the music drown me in. Hinayaan ko ang katawan na sumabay sa mga ilaw sa Xylo. I shouted, screamed and let myself lose my voice and everything in between. It was the least thing I could do for myself.

To forget.

Not to forgive, but just to forget. To forget people who left me hanging like I am just some stupid netflix series they got tired of watching because it's boring and dull. To forget those who left without a word. Ni-ha, ni-ho, walang paalam, Musika... tapos ikaw? Umiiyak? Nagpapakalasing? How low and desperate can you go?

But I love him. Does loving makes you low?

God, I love him. Our late night drives. His laughs. His gifts... or no gifts at all, I do not really care. I just want him here. I want him back beside me. I miss him so much. So when I turned my head on the right side of the dance floor and saw him, I thought I was seeing things. I thought that I was going crazy already.

In my head, I see him dancing with a different girl. Smiling and having the time of his life, while I am hurting. In my head, he was grasping on someone else, so tight. But not to me.

"Joaquin! Let's go!" And then I realized that it isn't just in my head. It's real.

Ngumisi si Joaquin sa babaeng kausap niya at may binulong bago iniwan at sumama sa tumawag sa kanya. Napako ako sa kinatatayuan. My tears fell again and again and again as I stood in the middle of these people. Naririnig ko ang tawag ni Cy sa pangalan ko ngunit hindi ako makagalaw.

You made me so happy and broke me in a blink of an eye. Ganoon pala talaga ano? Kapag masyadong masakit, lahat nagiging masakit. Ang mga magagandang alaala, ang mga tawanan. There's no happy memories left. Everything just hurts.

But even if I ran out of words to say. I get it now. No, I understood it the moment he cut me off. I was just scared to admit it.

Naiintindihan ko na.

Na iniwan mo na ako dito, sa pagitan.