Dito, Sa Pagitan | Liham 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Samgyup?" Tanong ko kay Cyan na nakatutok sa laptop niya.

"Hindi pwede." She answered, "May meeting ako sa krispy kreme with my groupmates mamaya. Hindi ka ba busy, beh? Ang dami mong time na tumambay!"

"Ayoko na yata mag-aral..." Sagot ko, "Charot!"

Na hindi naman talaga charot. I am sick of my own program. I think I won't last another day pero lagi ko lang naman 'tong drama at wala rin naman akong choice. I sighed and stood up from the bench.

"May klase ako, bye na!" Sabi ko kay Cy.

"Ingat, Ika! See you later!" She uttered before waving her hand to me.

Kaunting lakad lang naman ay nasa main building na ako ng UST. The Engineering department is on the main building, kaya doon kami laging nagkaklase.

I am taking up Bachelor of Science in Chemical Engineering here at the University of Sto. Thomas, the oldest university in the country. A lot of people I know calls UST their dream school and I am genuinely grateful to be here. Ang problema ko lang talaga ay ang kurso ko.

Papuntang main building, nakita ko pa ang mga fine arts student na may ginagawa sa may Plaza Mayor. The envy went through my system immediately. I miss painting. I miss doing what I actually love.

I sighed because I know that I am already hopeless. If I shift, wala na talaga akong uuwian kahit condominium unit. And to be honest, I don't know if I could handle myself alone. I am not that brave, you know.

Growing up in a family of achievers and with parents who are both successful on their own, I just took it upon me that I need to do well because of them. I have to please them. However, as time goes by, I realized that my will to be a good daughter will never be enough. I need to have the skill for this, which I don't have. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maisip kung bakit nandito pa rin ako sa Chemical Engineering. I don't know how I miraculously survived three semesters. Along with all the shit going through.

Or maybe I was able to survive everything just to forget everything too. Para mamanhid, para makalimutan ang nararamdaman.

"Ika, may irereto ako sayo na taga-La Salle." Sabi ni Myla, blockmate ko.

Natawa ako, "Pass."

"Huy, mabait 'to!" She chuckled, "She saw your picture on instagram kasi while I am hanging out with him and my fling. Friend kasi siya ng fling ko ngayon."

"Pass talaga beh," Sabi ko, "The T in Taft stands for trauma..."

I won't return to that place. Not now, not ever. Not even over my dead body. Lunurin mo na lang ako sa alak kaysa mapadpad ulit ako doon.

Medyo late ang prof namin pero ayos lang naman dahil mabuti nga at dumating pa rin at nagturo. As a pea brained person, I have to double my efforts just to get something that my other classmates can understand immediately. I think that's the hardest part of pursuing something you don't really want... ruined self esteem. Dahil madalas pakiramdam ko, sobrang bobo ko.

Pagkatapos ng madugong klase, agad na akong nagligpit ng gamit.

I texted Cyan, hoping that we could maybe hang out dahil ayoko pang umuwi sa condo.

san ka?

"Grabe talaga," Napalingon ako sa blockmate ko na umiiyak sa gilid ng room, kausap niya ang circle of friends niya at mukhang nagoopen up. She's sobbing while also ashamed to let her tears fall through her cheeks.