In memory of one of the best bands in the world. Thanks to them for being amazing. Two years without them and still alive.
March 22, 2015.
I was being thrown around, but did I care? It was my first rock concert of my favourite band in existence - My Chemical Romance.
Someone kicked me in the shin, but I couldn't care less. I didn't know whether the sweat on my back was mine or someone else's. I couldn't be sure if I was pressed against a complete stranger or the friend I was there with, and honestly, I didn't give a shit.
The lead singer of the band, Gerard Way, leaned over the edge of the stage and started grabbing people's hands as he screamed the lyrics into the microphone. He was so into it, channeling his enthusiasm through the words, straight into the crowd.
I was right at the front of the mosh pit. My best friend was beside me, and we screamed the lyrics back at Gerard, watched his face light up when he saw so many people had memorised the words he wrote. He reached out his pale hand, and...
I sat up in bed, grinning from ear to ear, panting from the beautiful memory of only four years ago. I glanced around my room, at the various posters of various bands I'd become obsessed with - Paramore, Sleeping With Sirens, All Time Low - and stared at the My Chemical Romance ones that took up an entire wall on the far side of my room.
They'd always been my saviours. My best friends. They helped me through major depression, bullying, loss and loads of suicidal thoughts. Over the years, they'd become my best friends, the only people who truly understood what I was feeling.
Then, on the worst day of my life, they put up a short paragraph on their website, saying how they loved us all, how we'd helped them through things... and how that was to be the last of My Chemical Romance. March 22nd...
I turned my eyes towards the digital clock on my bedside table, the glowing red numbers making my insides twist.
12:04am. March twenty-second. 2015.
Two years ago today was the day my favourite band in the world told us that they were breaking up.
I closed my eyes tight, shutting out the world for a few moments, as I remembered grabbing Gerard's hand, screaming up at Frank Iero that I love him, wishing one of them would crowd surf so I could feel them against my skin. I remembered the adrenaline at that concert, way back when I was fifteen, when the only thing keeping me alive was those four guys.
I laid back on my pillows and opened my eyes, letting tears fall down my face, feeling memories slide through my mind, wishing they would come back to me. Just for one day. Just for one hour. Just to say they love us one last time.
My phone rings. The tone is 'The World Is Ugly' by, you guessed it, My Chemical Romance.
"I wanted you to know that the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me. Well, are you thinking of me now?"
i pick up the phone, mumbling, "Hello?" into the receiver.
"Hey, kid, it's me," says the crackling voice from the other end. I don't need to be told who 'me' is - it's my best friend in the entire world, the only one who loves My Chemical Romance as much as I do, the one who I was with at the concert.
"Hey," I mutter, wiping my eyes.
"You seen the time?" her voice asks into my ear.
"Yup," I reply, glancing at my clock again. "Is this even real? Two years?"
"Time flies when shit sucks," she says. "Anyway, just wanted to tell you not to be too upset. We've still got memories, we've still got their songs. They can't fight our wars for us. Our hearts are bulletproof, and their memory will carry on."
I laughed, though I knew she could tell I was in tears. "Don't cry, idiot," she said softly. "I love you, and so did they. Is it too soon for me to say 'so long and goodnight'?"
I chuckled, wiping my eyes yet again. "Nah," I reply, sniffling. "So long and goodnight."
She hangs up, and I set my phone back on the bedside table. I lie back, roll over and let the tears fall freely again as I remember what they did for me. Not how they ended it, but how they existed. How they happened, and that they happened to me. And how I loved them, and always will.
