All Good Things: Green Series 5 (Pre-Serum Omega!Steve x Alpha!Bucky AU)

Fourteen

"Okay, Steve," Dr. Cho instructed, "One more push."

Screaming out from the physical pain of the delivery and the emotional agony of the situation, Steve pushed as hard as he could. Squeezing Bucky's hand so tightly that his own hand was numb, but he kept squeezing anyway. Needing to have that connection to Bucky like a lifeline as he delivered their deceased daughter.

Unlike the other two children he birthed, there was no shrill cry at the end. There was no relief that she was finally there. They still set her on his stomach and Steve openly wept at how tiny she was. Curled up, he was positive that she would've fit in his hand, and he hated that.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

Much sooner than with their sons' births, Bucky cut the umbilical cord with shaky hands. However, unlike those previous times, his hands weren't shaking from excitement. With those same shaking hands, Bucky cautiously reached out to touch Flora's tiny hand.

Tightly closing his eyes, Steve couldn't look at him. Couldn't look at Bucky looking at their daughter. Couldn't see the heartbreak clear on his husband's face as he hunched in on himself as he sobbed. Steve could only handle so much pain. He was only one man.

"Would you like to hold her?"

Opening his eyes, Steve found Flora in a receiving blanket. Choking on the shards of his broken heart, Steve nodded and accepted her into his embrace. Her little body was so light weight and tiny. Her little hand barely bigger than his fingertip.

This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

Tears blurring his vision, Steve's eyes roamed over the underdeveloped features of her face, trying to place who she looked like. Who she was going to look like. Only, none of the features stood out the way Oliver's and Finn's had.

Not being able to look at her anymore, Steve passed her to Bucky. Cradling her the way he had with their sons, Bucky caressed her cheek. Instead of happily gazing down at her, his agony was palpable. Even before he hunched over her in his arms and woundedly sobbed.

This wasn't how they planned this moment.

This was Steve's fault. He was the one who broke his husband's heart. The one who caused that long-suffering ache in Bucky's soul. Caused a throbbing torment to flow through the bond. It was all Steve's fault.

Trying to hold back his cries, so he could be strong for Bucky. His alpha was always there for him. Comforting him and making everything better with his emotional strength and overwhelming love. And that was what Bucky deserved from Steve now.

Just as he did when he lost Sarah, Steve pushed all that pain into a box. Labeled it with the date and shoved it into the back of his mind. Locking up his heart and suppressing the emotion that was desperately trying to strangle him.

When he delivered the placenta, Steve was quieter. Silent tears streaming down his face from exhaustion as the last remnants of his pregnancy left his body. Eyelids heavy, he could barely stay focused on Dr. Cho as she talked to him.

Needing her to repeat herself, Steve asked, "What?"

"We'll need to take her soon to run some tests and an autopsy, if that's alright," Dr. Cho kindly clarified.

Not sure if he'd be able to control himself if he held her again, Steve simply nodded. Bucky, however, was still cradling her close to himself. His sobs had quieted, but his pain was still present. Smelling of wet soil and clay and feeling like pine needles were stabbing his nerves through the bond.

With tears staining his face, Bucky held her out to Steve. Guilt fought to break free of him because he didn't want to look at her lifeless face. Couldn't hold back the agony if he did. But looking at Bucky, Steve knew that he had to do this. For him. This was their daughter, after all.

Hesitantly taking Flora into his arms, Steve gritted his teeth to keep the tears from falling. Begging to wake up from this nightmare and find her still in him. Still growing. Still thriving. Still moving. Kicking hard enough for Bucky to finally feel her.

God, Steve wished that Bucky could've felt her move. Even just once.

Leaning in, Bucky kissed his sweaty temple and placed his hand on her covered stomach. Affectionately marking her with his wrist. Same as he would do with Oliver and Finn. It nearly broke Steve. But he couldn't break. He needed to be strong. For Bucky.

Cautiously, Dr. Cho walked up to Steve's other side, and Steve knew that it was time. Kissing Flora's head, he lifted her to let Bucky do the same before handing her to Dr. Cho. Steve's eyes stayed glued to his doctor's back as she carried his daughter out of the room. His gaze staying there on the door even after her petite frame was gone.

The nurses around him cleaned up and checked his vitals, but Steve couldn't focus on them. Couldn't focus on Bucky either and the way the alpha buried his face in the crook of Steve's neck as he sobbed. All he could do was stare at the door. Wondering how he was supposed to survive with a piece of his heart buried in a tiny pink casket.