A Peregrine's Love

Aftermath

(sorry i'm advance...TW)
I woke up and Alma was gone, I went to take a shower before breakfast. When I got down there I went to go say something to Miss Peregrine but when I walked up to her she walked away. I didn't think too much of it so I just ate and did my chores. I skipped lunch and went straight to my workout, Enoch didn't wanna join today. I decided just to do 12 laps around the pond. When I was done I saw Miss Peregrine go into the garden, so I ran to catch up with her.
"Hey Miss Peregrine can I have a word with you?" She looked at me and then her eyes quickly darted away. Was she avoiding me again?
"Does it have to be right now? I'm kinda busy" I didn't want to bother her.
"No, I guess not" She walked away. I went back to the pond. She said she loved me too? I thought we were okay, what did I do wrong? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. I walked back to the house and took a bath, and got ready for dinner. I took a couple bites but was mostly worried about Miss Peregrine. Everyone went to movie time and I held her back.
"Hey are you alright?"
"Yeah why wouldn't I be?"
"Oh...I don't know I'm glad you're okay" She walked to movie time and I went for a walk. I went outside the loop to the pub. I ordered a shot of tequila, I haven't drank in a year but it was just one shot. That was my first mistake, it wouldn't be just one. One turned into nine. I was stumbling my way home but somehow managed to get there without being noticed. I went up to my room and decided to just sleep this off. When I woke up, I had the worst hangover, I definitely didn't have a tolerance for alcohol anymore. I had slept past breakfast, so I went downstairs to get a glass of water and some Tylenol. I sat at the table, trying to drink my water.
"You look rough" Enoch was getting a kick out of seeing me like this.
"I feel worse than I look" I started laughing.
"Ouch" He walked off. I went up to my room to lay down a little while longer. I really didn't want to get my guitar out but it felt so good to play it so I did. I was hesitant at first, but I started playing again.
(Play song at the top now)
After I played I put it up and laid down. I was gonna go to lunch then do my chores. At lunch I tried to get Alma to look at me but she wouldn't. Maybe she just didn't wanna make anything obvious. I did my chores and went to the open spot and laid in the grass, I really liked laying here. I eventually got up and it was time for dinner. I went and yet again, Alma wouldn't look at me.
"How was your day Y/N?" Emma asked at the table.
"It was fine, how about yours?" She started rambling on and eventually the whole table was talking. I got up and excused myself from the dinner table so I could relax. I waited for Alma to come into my room but she didn't, so I went to walk past her room and she was sleeping. I went up to the attic, that's where Miss Peregrine kept alcohol. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and a candle, I found myself at the beach. I grabbed a couple pieces of wood and poured a little alcohol on it. I lit it with the candle and sat by the fire, watching the waves clash. I took a drink of vodka, and another one. I was filled with rage. Why would Alma do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? Maybe she finally came to the realization I just wasn't worth her time. Maybe she sees how fucked up I am. God, why can't I just stop thinking? I threw the bottle down and it cut my hand when it broke, I tried to stop the bleeding till I eventually blacked out. I didn't know if it was because I lost too much blood or because I was so intoxicated. When I woke up the fire was out and it was morning. I went to the house and used the back way so no one would see me. I tried to clean the large cut on my palm but I couldn't so I went to Enoch and asked him for help. It hurt cleaning it out but it got my mind focused on something else.
"What even happened?"
"I tripped over glass at the beach"
"Clutz" I gave him a fake laugh.
"You might want to show that to Miss Peregrine, she'll know what to do so it doesn't get infected"
"Yeah maybe" I wasn't going to. I got in the shower and cried. I was relapsing and I promised myself I wouldn't do that. I don't even care, it's not like anyone else does. I got out of the shower, wrapped my hand, and went to my room. I laid on my bed and let my thoughts take over me. I couldn't get rid of them. I went to do my chores and didn't get them finished until after lunch. I knew I needed to eat but I just couldn't, that's when it hit me. In my other loop I would smoke and it would make me hungry. I went out of the loop in hope that someone would have some and a man did. I bought it off him and went back to the loop. I still had my grinder and everything. I got it all ready and was hesitant to start smoking. I know I shouldn't, but I needed to eat. I sat by my window and started, it was the only way I'd be able to eat.