Baby | Billie Eilish

#17 Be patient

This is it, I'm gonna do this. I can't keep it to myself anymore, I know that I'm gonna be hurt but I just have to.
I quickly took my phone from my pocket to text Billie ignoring my teacher explaining something.

Hey, we have to talk. Deadass.

She immediately answered:

Okok chill dude, Im gon be at your place when you'll be home.

Twenty-five minutes felt like one fucking hour. As soon as the bell rang I left classroom and walked home almost running.
The door wasn't locked and when I entered the living room I saw Billie watching TV.
-Hey, Bil.
-Hey,what happened?
-Let's go to my room.
We walked to my room and sat on my bed.
-I'm scared Rosie, what happened? Did someone hurt you?
-No no.
-Then what?
I took a deep breath and looked at Billie realizing that this could be our last talk because I know she won't talk to me again. I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her cheek.
-What's going on, Rosie? Are you okay?
-Okay, I'm gonna do this. Listen, I'm so so grateful for you and you're literally the best person in my life. We went through a lot of things together and our friendship is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole shitty life. You should know that the thing that I'm going to tell you shouldn't affect on our friendship but I'm so sorry if it will. And it will probably, I'm so so sorry for ruining our friendship right now.- I said with tears in my eyes. I looked at her piercing blue eyes that were sparkling also but she was listening to me.- I feel this way for a while now and I'm sorry for being weak and not keeping it to myself longer but I just can't. It's so hard to be around you and talk to you and pretend that I'm okay. I like you, Billie. More than a friend.-I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
She looked at me with shock on her face not telling anything for a minute.
-Please say something, Billie.
-I-I don't k-know what to say. I-I'm sorry b-but I d-don't think that this's a g-good idea. Sorry.
She ran out of my room.
-Billie! Wait!
I heard the door shut.
I just ruined everything, I hate myself. I'm so stupid I shouldn't have said that.
I took my pillow and screamed in it on top of my lungs. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I started crying so hard and screaming and hitting my head.

***
Three hours later.

I haven't left my room since Billie left. I called her 6 times but she ignored me, I also left a voicemail.

"Um, hey Billie. I-It's me,Rosie. Please don't ignore me, let me fix it, p-please. I can't lose you."

It was obvious that I was crying while recording this but I couldn't stop.
Suddenly I heard my phone ringing and quickly took it expecting Billie to call me but it was Fin.
-Hey, Rosie.
-Hi.
-Wha- are you crying? What happened to you guys?
-What do you m-mean?
-Billie came home three hours ago crying and she haven't left her room this whole time. What happened? You know that you can tell me everything, I can come to your place and we can talk.
-Y-yeah, can you pick me up? And we could drive somewhere and I will tell you?
-Sure! I'll be there in 15, I'll text you.
-Okay, bye.
-See ya.
He hung up and I left my room, I saw my grandma sitting on the sofa and watching TV.
-Hey, where are you going?
-I'm going for a walk.-I tried to hide my red puffy face from her.
-What happened?
-Nothing, don't worry. I'll be back later, adiós!

I left our home and sat on bench waiting for Finneas. I waited for ten minutes and then saw car stopping in front of me. I quickly got in the car and hugged Fin with tears on my cheeks.
-Damn, Rosie. Are you okay? I have never seen you like this.
-I guess, I told Billie that I loved her.
-What happened next?

I told Fin everything that happened while he was driving to the cafe.

-I'm sorry, Rosie. I know it's hard for you since it's your first love and you just found out your sexuality. But it's hard for Bil also, she wasn't sure about her sexuality and she always denied that she liked girls. Look, I'll tell you this to calm you down. Billie loves you too, I see how she looks at you and all this stuff. And we talked a few days ago and I asked her why she's denying but she just sighed. It'll take a time for her to think about everything. You know that she won't hurt you on purpose but she's hurt too, so you guys should understand each other and be patient.

I just nodded and wiped away tears.
-Now let's go get some food, I know you girls, food fixes everything.
I laughed quietly and looked out the window.

--------------------time pass bitches--------------

-Thanks again Fin, I would still be crying in my room if it wasn't you.
-Anytime Rosie, I will talk to Billie and tell her to talk to you.
-Okay, and thank you for food, you got a lot.
-It's fine, you will finish them at home.
I smiled and said. - Bye Fin.
-See you.

I closed the door and walked to home, when I opened the door I saw grandma asleep on the couch. I walked to kitchen quietly and left the food, washed my hands and walked to living room. I took blanked from armchair and covered grandma, after turning off the TV I kissed her cheek. She's an angel, I don't deserve this woman. The day she leave me will be the worst day in my life.

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1025 words