[Self-Insert]
"You're an Uzumaki through and through."
Your new life plan was simple: go to school, graduate, get a high-paying job, and earn enough to give your dad the life he deserves. But then, you realized you were reincarnated in the Narutove...
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Yeah, this is what I imagine Souta to look like, and yes art is by me lol. Anyway, sorry for the late update, enjoy.
~*~*~
In which, you say your first goodbye.
~*~*~
Remember when your first birthday was this life's worst day ever?
Well, today broke that record when you discovered that tou-chan planned on going to Konoha; to your death.
And Jiraiya of the Sannin will escort you and tou-chan to it.
Looks like your life's sequel is nearing its finale, and there's only one appropriate response for it: open betting pools for how long you could last-- winner gets the opportunity to have a front row seat to your demise.
Okay, fine, that sounded dramatic, but that doesn't make it any less true. In fact, you can already make a list of how you could probably die; that's how fucked you are.
Strapped to Orochimaru's lab table? Killed by a brainwashed child as a rite of passage to ROOT? Crushed under a large debris from the Kyuubi attack? Murdered by an Oto nin from Konoha Crush? Almighty-pushed to the afterlife by Pein?
God, you really, really should've stayed dead.
What was the point of being reincarnated if you're just gonna die young again? The universe didn't even give you a fighting chance.
A chakra-cripple heading towards the center of most, if not all, disasters? A joke; that's what that is. And the punchline is...
Yeah, what the hell even is the punchline to that? That life is a bitch? You've long since established that.
Hmm... Maybe, you're the punchline, as in: the world will punch you and send your heart into a flatline. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Ugh, you just hope tou-chan won't visit Konoha frequently like he does with other small villages.
If you can strain your ears, you can hear the ghostly laughter of the world towards your joke of a life; they must think it's so amusing, thinking they're sooo funny...
Well, you're about to be fucking hilarious.
Because this universe is determined to kill you, you'll do your best to survive it out of spite.
... Okay, fine, it's also because you want to stick by tou-chan's side for the rest of his and your life, which brings you to your first order of business: how to survive.
Tou-chan is automatically your first line of defense, and by extension Jiraiya too. Jiraiya is an S-rank shinobi and is friends with tou-chan, which makes him obligated to protect you. At least, while he's still around. Naturally, you can't always rely on them; so, you need a failsafe in case they're not readily available to fight for you. Escape is not always a viable option, after all.
