Suprising Intelligence

7

Cold. I had opened my eyes to find ice covered grass. leaves on all of the trees showed hints of yellow, red, and brown. Clouds have invaded the sky, leaving only grey. Everything had very soft lighting. Everything was so calm and still.

What a way to wake up.

I lift my hand to see the imprint it left, showing green grass bordering the now usual white. The steel contraption holding my ropes in place creaking with the slightest moment. With how big I was, there were a lot of metal racks and maybe almost a hundred ropes. A lot of effort for sure. In an odd way, that makes me feel special.

The silence was shattered by the sound of compressed air and the friction of wire zipping into the trees. Early to training, scouts take turns going into the forest with their "3D maneuver gear." As much as I shouldn't listen to it, Hanji's rambling does provide some useful information. Speaking of, they usually start testing me shortly after practice starts. Maybe they're just late. 

"Jayden? Are you alright?"

I shake off my thoughts and give Armin a smile.

"That's good. I'm here early because, well, it's my day off. I thought you would need a lesson longer than just thirty minutes. And after that, maybe my other friends can come and meet you fully. When they are on break of course."

Language is fucking Hard!

There are a bunch of letters that all make different sounds, even when a lot of them look the same. A lot of letters sound different when paired with other letters. There are like, 3 Million different rules to how they can be written and said. When Hanji said what it was, they made it sound so simple. This isn't simple!

To say my brain hurts would be an understatement. It feels like I don't have a head anymore. Armin, bless his soul, caught on to my mind's disintegration and gave me a break to process things. Then he ran off. Probably to get those friends he was talking about. Works for me, anything other than "conjunctions" or "possessive nouns".

This new life is starting to stress me out. All of a sudden I have to learn a bunch of names, try to perform well when Hanji is examining me, dealing with all these humans that just absolutely despise me, and now I have to remember the alphabet. I feel so tired, but I can't sleep.

… but I do have a friend. Heck, Armin is confident that I could have many friends. I never have to worry about finding something to do on any given day. I mean, this definitely hasn't been easy, but it's a change. I can't take those for granted. The last change I experienced was… wall Maria.

I was there when it happened. A strike of lightning, a massive cloud of smoke. Like magic, a Titan taller than the wall itself appeared. It's entire body looked like my exposed muscle. When it kicked the gate, it was like a hurricane. I almost didn't enter. I wanted to run away, but the inside of what was once an impenetrable fortress seemed too tantalizing of a view to pass up. 

I wish i never stepped foot in there.

Another Titan was breaking through the second gate. They seemed to have some sort of plating on them. It wasn't long before humans were being ripped apart. The city was overrun in a matter of minutes. Houses trampled and their residents devoured. And blood. Bright red liquid pooled everywhere.

Then it happened.

The smell hit me.

I never wanted to eat a human before that day. Too much trouble for what would be a snack to me. Eventually the urge to eat went away, but the smell.

All of those feelings, that hunger, that Need came back.

I couldn't stop myself.

I was disgusted with myself. I was horrified when I snapped out of the red haze I was stuck in, just to see the soulless face on a lone head. The feeling, the cravings, didn't go away. Not until I had run to a part of the forest I didn't know and hid my face in my hands. They still had bits and pieces of what used to be humans on them, but I didn't care.

I cried.

I didn't stop crying, even after I fell asleep and woke up with history repeating itself in my head. Not when whatever I put in me forced itself out of my mouth. And not until I had no more tears to cry.

I didn't want anything to do with humans. But if I can help them, even at my own expense, then I'll do whatever must be done.

I refuse to be a monster again.