Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

all i can
ever ask of you
is to
stay.
just stay.
-unknown

•••

      "NO!"

"San, calm down."

"you want me to calm down?!" San pants as he clenches his fists by his sides, anger clouding his mind. "you want me to sit still and nod when you just said i have to meet that monster?!"

"i know it sounds bad—"

"it is bad!" San's shaking. "i wo— i won't! not again!"his breathing gets heavier, one hand going to scratch at his wrist, needing some sort of pain to ground himself. "please don't make me do it."

"look, if you want to get rid of your demons, you have to face them first," the man looks more exhausted than ever. "you'll have all the members with you, and everyone will be clueless except for Mingi and he will act clueless. you will act as if you don't know him, and he will just see you perform something you've practiced and then leave, i'll make sure of that. okay?"

San shakes his head. "no, please," all his anger has turned into fear, making his lips wobble and his shoulders quiver. "you don't understand— he's—he's—"

"ok, calm down, take deep breaths yeah?"

San nods, slowly gulping oxygen in and out and reminding himself to calm down. he needs to stop having panic attacks all the time, it's getting out of hand.

"ok, good," the older male smiles when San's breathing steadies. "now go find Mingi and go home, maybe bond over ramen or something with Yeosang, and have a good night sleep. tomorrow you'll start classes, so don't be late."

San hums, slowly standing up and bowing one time before going out. it seems like every time he leaves this room he has to be shaking.

the hallways scare him to death, and with each corner he rounds he holds his breath in, in fears of seeing his worst nightmare. but he never does, and San makes it to the practice room without passing by anyone other than two trainees wearing red matching hoodies.

when he opens the door to the practice room he finds Mingi panting on the floor. the brunette boy smiles at him as he stands up, whining at how sore his legs are.

"it took me around 20 tries to get it right," Mingi groans as he rubs his legs. San notices their dance teacher is already gone. "how did the talk with the CEO go?"

"i— i have three classes now," he says whilst blobbing down on the floor and watching Mingi gather his things. "English statics and calculus."

"woah, maths?" Mingi fake gags, "ew why would you study this shit willingly?!"

"they're cool, i heard you studying the other day and i thought maths is awesome."

"you sure do need to see a doctor, i think you've hit your head hard when you were young, you're so dumb," Mingi cackles as San throws a bottle at him but misses. "anyways I'm done, and seems like we're walking home since they betrayed us and left earlier."

San nods as he stands up and follows closely behind Mingi to the exit of the building.

"so, was that all you talked about?"