She looked around, the blue curtains were too familiar. She finally realized how thorny the beds were now that she was the one lying on them. She saw the cannulas on her hand and in her mouth as well as in the nose. She finally realized how stinging it was for her patients. What she didn't expect was to survive. Apart from a huge loss of blood, a damaged wrist, she survived.
She recalled that day. The day that brought her here. She was sitting in the balcony, as usual with her diary and pen. Only that day it was for a whole different reason. She twirled the ring in her ring finger. It shined bright in the setting sunlight. It was her first-anniversary gift. She didn't want to do this to her husband. It wasn't his fault though. It's just she couldn't love him. Not like she loved him. Her husband kept the whole world at her feet. Provided her with every opulence a girl would dream of. Yet he could never supersede him. She felt it was unfair to her husband, unfair to the love he showered on her. It was the sole reason she took such a huge step.
She wrote, "I wish I could meet you, love, one last time before I die. Also, I'm sorry (husband), could never be a good wife to you."
She took a long breath and finally made a slit on her wrist. One led to another until she went numb. She saw a pool of red blood surrounding her. She knew ending her life was not the only solution, but it was her only wish.
Just trailing down her thoughts, she saw the door creak open. It was her husband. He was wearing the same shirt he wore to his office that day. It seems like, he didn't go back to the house. His hair was all messy, the ironed shirt was now crinkled and had a few blood stains on it. His eyes were swollen, surrounded by dark circles. It seems he hasn't even slept since that day. How many days had passed actually?
"You're awake, finally." Her husband said with a sad smile.
"I guess." She said avoiding to look at him.
The room went silent. No one dared to speak. She was embarrassed, he was disappointed, not in her but himself. Each passing second in the iced room seemed like forever.
"You could have told me, you know." He said breaking the silence.
She looked at him perplexed.
"You could've told me about your feelings. I couldn't even be a good friend to you, let alone be a good husband. I could not see the weariness you felt. I wish you would've shared, we could've found a better solution." He sighed looking down on her.
"You're not the one to be accursed. Please, don't do it. I should be the one to be sorry to fail as a wife, a partner." She pleaded, looking into his eyes and placed her hand over his for assurance.
"There is someone outside who wants to meet you." He said avoiding looking into her eyes.
She gave him a questioning look when the door opened wide.
He was there. Wearing a white shirt. His shirt too had stains of blood. More like it was covered with blood. His hair was a mess like he had run his fingers through them innumerable times. His eyes so dry like he had been crying for days. She was confused as to what she was seeing in front of her.
"I'll leave you both to it." Her husband said and left the room.
She waited for him to speak so she could bombard him with questions that were at the tip of her tongue, waiting to gush out.
"How do you feel?" He finally asked breaking the thick ice.
"Uhm, apart from the guilt of what I make my patients go through on a daily basis, I feel okay." She said trying to lighten the atmosphere.
He smiled. And, oh was it perfect! The smile she was waiting to see for ages. The smile that took all her pain away.
"Just in general, how many days has it been?" She asked taking the conversation further.
"4 days." He said in a low tone.
"Not bad huh. Also, not that I'm complaining, how did you know?" She asked in confusion.
"You don't remember, do you?" He asked.
She nodded.
"You called me thinking I was 911 saying there's blood all around you, that you're drowning in blood and then you fell unconscious, I guess." He replied in a sad tone.
"Oh." Was all she could say.
"You had me as your emergency contact." He stated, more like asked.
"Yeah. Sorry to bother you." She said avoiding to meet his eyes.
"Why did you do it?" He finally asked.
She wasn't expecting the question so soon. She had so much to say, she had scripted a whole conversation to hsve with him for whenever they'd meet, during her lonely nights. And now, she couldn't even form an answer. He waited patiently for her to say something.
She felt a tear trickle down her face. She put on a smile and said: "After so many pleadings, letters, emails, calls, text messages, it took a terrible accident to bring you here."
Now, it was he who went silent. He looked at her with saddening eyes. He wiped the tears falling from her eyes. He sighed and placed his lips on her forehead. Her eyes finally let loose all those tears she held back all these years without him. She was sobbing. She imagined the scenario with him numerous times, in numerous ways, but never like this.
He let go of her and looked into her eyes.
"Was it worth it?" He finally asked.
"You're here. Aren't you?" She said with a content smile.
