Deja brown

53

August

I walked back into the room,from going downstairs to get some food. I sat the plates down on the other bed. Walked over to her . She was sleeping peacefully. I took my phone out and snap pictures of her.

"Mamas" I kissed her cheek then her lips "wake up"I repeatedly kissed her lips.

Her eyes flutters open . "Good morning " I smiled

She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. That's her way of saying good morning back. She don't like to talk weh waking up first thing in the morning.

She let me go threw the covers off of her and got up . As she walked passed me . I had to smack her ass.

There was. Knock on the door. I went and open it .seeing nafeesa and Quincy.

"What's up y'all"I walked away leaving the door open.

"Nothing just came to check on her " they sat on the other bed.

"Im good just tired of being in this room." She said coming out the bathroom .

"You have a balcony just go out there" Quincy said

"She don't go outside just to go outside" I laughed "she a homebody "

"So you shouldn't have a problem with it"nafessa said

"Ik it's like because I have to stay in I dont want to" she shrugged . She grabbed my plate and gave it to me and went and got hers. Walking in between my legs leaning against me. I wrapped one arm around her waist.

"Sooo which of your friends decided to be my sugar daddy august?"

"You was for real " I asked putting back on in my mouth.

"Hell yeah."

"Well shit I put you on with one of them niggas"

"Good get my number form d to give to them "I nodded and looked over at her. She was staring at nothing in particular. I kissed her forehead twice.

She looked at me and smiled and bent down and pecked my lips twice. "I was doing it again."

"Yeah"

"I don't be noticing"

"I know babe ..but it's okay it's gonna happen" I told holding her tighter."gone head and eat"

There was another knock at the door. Quincy got up and open it.

"I see we all had the same idea" Conner ,Colton whatever the twin sister husband said.

"Which was" Deja asked putting strawberry in her mouth.

"Come see your big headed ass before we we had to go.the other dude said .

"I'm good" she shrugged "ready to film again" she moved and sat all the way on my lap.

"Don't worry sis these four days gonna go by fast" the other one said.

"Aye bro what's yo name again" I asked him . D got up to throw or plates away.

"Eric" he said

I nodded "and yours?"

"Corey"

"Eric and Corey ..got it"

"We gotta go we be back later"

Deja

I sat on top of august . I wonder if he thinks it's a lot dating me. Do he wish he was with somebody else without mental health issues. will he ever give up on me once he realizes that I'm damage.

"Obviously hes gonna leave you ...remember your nothing"

"You said it yourself your damage ...why be selfish and hold him back."

"He's gonna end all of this soon...just do it already"

"Your so selfish letting him suffer just because you suffering"

"You don't deserve to be happy"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It's not real I repeated over and over. It's all the imagination.

"baby you okay" august looked at me rubbing my thighs.

My breathing started to get heavy "yeah"

He sat up with me still straddling his lap."mamas breath .take deep breaths" he rubbed circles around my lower back.I took deep breath and the circles he was doing seem to calm me down.

Once I was fully calmed he stared at me for a good 3 minutes."what's wrong"he continued the circles

"N-"

"You just had a panic attack don't say nothing..tell me so I can help."

That triggers me for some reason.

"Don't you get it you can't help me...I'm fucked up in so many ways." I got off him and sat on the other bed.

"You cant let any of that defined who you are "

"See you don't get it it is who I am ..I'm not this normal 19 year old "

"You don't get it Deja ..your schizophrenia doesn't define you . It's part of you but you define yourself."

"Honestly you deserve someone better ..someone that you don't have to worry about constantly."

"What u trying to say"

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes "let me go I'm damage."