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when oikawa~senpai finally left for senior high i heard the rumours.
i heard them too late.
i'm sorry for that, kageyama tobio. (just as i'm sorry for so many other things.)
you must have known what they'd called you, right? the whispers weren't whispers and the hushed voices weren't hushed.
they weren't even trying to hide it. your title, i mean.
they called you kageyama tobio! the king of the court.
fitting. unbearably fitting. ironically fitting.
i'd weave you a crown of yellow roses the sunlight would hit the angel fountain's water just right and it would look golden on your head.
a gentle king, i'd called you. a kind king, i'd called you.
is this what the gods do in their free time? drop little hints drop little clues before dropping something like this on their favourites?
(they probably do. i've read the stories and i know what happens to those so very unlucky mortals who have the gods drawn to them.
in the end, maybe it was actually me who the gods had favoured.)
you were still so sweet to me, of course. you still came to the garden with the yellow roses and the angel fountain.
you still smiled at me so very brightly with your blue eyes crinkling at the corners and your pretty face all scrunched up in joy.
but still.
every time you smiled i couldn't help the thoughts. (i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry.)
i couldn't help but think— do you smile at your teammates after you push them so hard they are heaving and their knees and forearms are black and blue like mine were so long ago? do you smile at your teammates after they miss your impossible-to-hit tosses? do you smile at your teammates like you smile at me? do you smile at them at all?
and maybe, just maybe, despite all these stupid thoughts i felt a little bit special.
it's twisted, i'm twisted. i know and i'm sorry.
(it runs in the family.)
but you're the reason i hate so many things i once loved, like the colour gold and the garden and the angel fountain and yellow roses and flowers and flower crowns and kings and queens and gods and volleyball so we should be even, right?
(i wasn't able to tell you again. i never was able to tell you.
it's just— you were smiling so brightly you were smiling for me and only me you were looking at me like i was the only thing worth smiling for and you were looking at me like i was special and i didn't want to ruin that, okay?
i don't know how many things i haven't told you at this point. it's a lot.
but these letters will help with that, so it's okay. don't worry about it. please don't worry about it.
you have a game soon, anyway and i wouldn't want to be the reason why you lose.
