Pain: The Werewolf Chronicles

Chapter 12

"When you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done." –Unknown

 I had no idea how I had gotten back into the infirmary. All I remember at first was the gut wrenching fear, the fear melted away as I was eating that amazing food and then feeling so content that I had fallen asleep. I'm sure my face was flaming thinking that Donovan had probably carried me back.

Jax trotted in and flopped himself in his usual spot right on top of my feet. I reached down and scratched his ear. I felt pretty darn good this morning. My legs were sore but I think getting out and walking around helped me get some energy back. Maybe I could actually just go outside of the infirmary now and walk around.

Did I dare go out without permission?  Isn't that what normal people did?  What was the harm in going out just to sit on the steps at least? I don't think that would make anyone mad. Jax took the opportunity to lick me right up my face as I was deep in thought.

"Ewwwwww!! Jax!!!" I laughed as I wiped the drool off my face.  I sighed and made up my mind. I got dressed quickly in some warm clothing before losing my nerve. I threw on my jacket, gloves and hat and walked to the door.  I put my hand on the door knob and hesitated.

What if I did make someone mad? What if I broke the rules?  I was about to turn away before Jax woofed at me and made me smile. Well I did have to let him out so he could do his business right?

As if reading my thoughts he huffed a puff of air out. I turned the knob despite the growing panic deep inside of me. I peeked out into the walkway and looked around. I didn't see anyone, no alarms went off. Jax pushed the door wide open and trotted to the front door down the hallway.  He softly woofed at me again as if saying 'Let's go slow poke'.

I left and closed the door behind me and walked to the front door. The glass was frosted over so I couldn't see outside but it was so bright and inviting. I put my hand on the knob for the second time today and the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach grew.

I shouldn't be so scared to want to go outside. I shouldn't have feelings of guilt, anger and fear washing over me every time I wanted to do something I didn't ask permission for.

Nor should you, you're safe just go out and sit, I heard a whisper in my mind. It startled me a bit and I figured my subconscious was trying to poke its way through.

Well it's now or never. So I turned the knob, opened the door and was blinded by a brilliant light.

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Don't come over, Lorcan warned me.

What?

She's almost out the door on her own. Don't interrupt her or I'll kill you, Lorcan huffed back to me. I had a moment of panic.

What do you mean out the door? Where is she going?

Nowhere, she just wanted to go out without asking, I could hear the smile in his voice.

My brows snapped together. Why would it matter if she asked or not?  I stepped off the path behind some trees. I saw her standing in the doorway, just waiting there. Her long hair peeked out from under her hat. I saw the strands sway gently in the cool breeze.  Yet she still stood there not stepping out of the door.

I don't understand why is she just standing there? I asked Lorcan.

Some things you'll just have to figure out on your own, he grumbled back to me.

The indecision, the apprehension and fear shining in her bright green eyes were overwhelming even for him. He saw she was about to take a step back.

Don't let her move backwards. Make her move forward, I quickly told him.  I saw him push her out the door without her knowing.  With his size it wasn't hard to bump her out the door. She staggered out and down the stairs clutching the railing for support. She hit the bottom step and stopped. She quickly looked around as the door swung shut behind her.