Sin and Sun: A Where My Demons Hide Short

The Not Date Date - (Sun)

It had been raining for two days straight.

The weather in Thailand could change on a dime, from one extreme to the next—but this, this was new. 

Even with the constant downpour, the temperature was still scorching.

I ached to go or a swim. 

But I knew what would happen—waves were silent and deadly. Swimming during a storm was never a good thing.

Usually, I would enjoy the downpour.

It gave me peace.

Sometimes, I would even go outside to run around in the rain. My mom would always joke, that I was born from a water sprite.

I smiled at the memory.

Thinking of my mother always gave me so much joy. Even with her gone, she'd been a good mother A mother who had taken care of me, never had me wondering if I had been loved and always had candy, hidden in her purse for me.

She was a warm mother, a kind one and I missed her.

But before she died, Mae made me promise to not dwell on the sadness, for she would always be with me.

My mood had been weird of late. 

Nothing gave me pleasure.

Nothing made me laugh.

Ever since the case with Gun's parents, I'd been feeling a little off. I wasn't sure what it was, but I just couldn't seem to get happy--period.

Maybe it was because I thought his parents were supposed to love Gun and Tiger more than they hated each other. Yet one was on her way to prison and the other was broken beyond repair.

Maybe it was because for that short period of time, I had friends who had my back. I had people I could trust and speak to about anything--I had people who welcomed me and made me laugh.

Sometimes I believe my parents spoiled me. 

The love they share between each other was almost supernatural. 

As a child I would often caught them dancing around the kitchen and my mother would blush when I cleared my throat to tell them I was there. She would giggle at night as they sat on the front porch with tea or juice as he regaled her with stories of his day. I would often catch them kissing at the back of the house. my mother had a small garden there where she planted little things that we could use in the kitchen like peas, peppers, pumpkins, and other vegetables that she didn't want to spend money at the market. 

She would often say that was their private time.

That was what love looked like.

It was a hard blow to realize that wasn't love everyone had. I had wanted what my mother had, and now I realized that sometimes we get what we got, and we had to be satisfied with it. Not everyone found their soulmate the first time, the second time—or more horribly, ever.

That realization broke me.

Thinking back to the case, it was almost as if someone had taken a piece of my soul away and I wasn't sure how to react to that. I wasn't sure how to reclaim it.

After everyone left, and the dust settled I remained lost. After they all went back to their lives, to their friendships, to their loves I remained lost.

There had to be more to life than what I was, then what I wanted to become, then what I would never become.

There had to be more to life.