The young star

twenty nine

I've just arrived at the gathering with janine and leah. Today has been alright, I hung out with leah for a while before we left to pick up janine, she's been distant with me today, i don't know why because everything was fine yesterday. Anyway, it's just us city girls plus leah who's at this gathering. Jordan was invited but obviously after everything that happened didn't come. I did message her and ask if she was okay but she told me she was fine. My heart aches for leah, i wish i could take the pain from her, i hate seeing my friends hurt like this. You can see it in her face, she looks so broken right now.

As soon as we walked into lucy's janine left before i even noticed she walked straight over to roebuck who was with hempo, esme, jess park, caz, ellen and steph. Me and leah walked over to lucy, keira, alex and stanway. I sat down next to alex and leah sat down next to me.

"are you ever going to turn up early jess"
lucy asked

"i know, she made me late, when jess is driving you are bound to be late"
leah said laughing in between

"i'm not a bad driver. I just don't leave until the last minute"

"you're a good friend jess"
keira added making me smile as it was unexpected

"yeah, you really are"
lucy agreed

"i know. I don't know what i would be doing right now if it wasn't for you being there for me for the past two days"

"jess if keira's saying it then i believe it, but on a serious note you are a real one"
greenwood said making me giggle a little

"thanks guys. I love you all, y'all are my bestfriends and i'll be with you all through your toughest moments"

We all shared a group hug, the night was going great. It WAS going great.

I was laughing with leah and keira when janine came over, she asked if we could talk. I said yeah not expecting anything extreme, we walked into lucy and Keira's back garden and sat down on the steps leading out onto the grass. I looked at janine who looked at me but something just wasn't quite right.

"are you okay babe?"
i asked really starting to worry now as i knew something wasn't right

"yeah i'm fine, i just needed to talk"

"what's up?"
I'm trying to act cool and composed but i'm anything but that

"i don't know how to say or do this"
now my heart is pounding, there's a lump in my throat

"say what? just say it i guess"

"you look really happy around leah and i don't want to hold you back. I don't want to stop you from being happy so we are over. I love you jessica and i always will but i want you to be happy and you look happiest with her"
did she just break up with me? what? wait, what? i love this girl, what is she talking about?

"what are you talking about. I love you, so much"
i said, i was trying so hard not to cry as my voice felt the need to break as i was speaking

"i watched you today, you've been laughing and and smiling. I love seeing you happy and I'm not going to hold you back, i want you to become the best version of yourself. I can't love you in the dark jess, it feels like we are oceans apart. You've given me something i can't live without though and i want you to remember that when you are in doubt. I don't regret anything, everything i've said to you over the past months has been nothing but the truth, i believe you are the love of my life, please don't fall apart, i can't face your breaking heart. I love you jess, i always will"
And that was it, i watched as the love of my life stood up and walked back inside, i was left sitting in the cold. I broke down instantly, this girl has my heart, every single part of it. I don't like leah, not like that. I like janine and only her, everyone knows how much she means to me, i've liked her for ages, i'm happy because i'm with her, why dosent she understand that? how dosent she know that? i need her in my life.