Emptiness

Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX

Ellen

Grief flooded me like a riptide, threatening to overcome me. It was as if all the emotions I'd kept corked someplace else were now surfacing, drowning my sensibility. For what seemed like hours, I hid myself away on the shower ledge, sobbing.

When the water ran cold, I ultimately forced myself out of the shower. Waiting for me was a series of impatient knocks and John's complaints. 

"How much fucking longer?"

 I struggled to compose myself, hoping I could hide the fact I was a wreck, but I could scarcely even choke out an apology. I suppose John noticed, for there was a sudden shift in mood, and for a minute, an awkward stillness hung suspended between us.

"Are you crying?" he spoke, much quieter.

 I didn't know how to respond, so I just whispered, "I don't know."

 Silence.

 "Look, I know I should have visited ye more in Blackpool, but we're together now. That's all that matters, right?" he adlibbed, chuckling sparsely.

Then,  "You alright?"

 He pushed the door open a crack, but I pushed it back.

 "Ellen, come on," he grumbled, trying again. "You can't just cry for half an hour and expect me to not ask why."

 "Please, John! I'm naked!" I blurted, shutting it once more.

 "Hey, nothing wrong with that," he murmured coyly. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sorry, John. I'm so sorry...." I hesitated.

"Just tell me."

"Everything they told you was bullshit, okay? They wanted to make a profit of'a you.... We're not poor because my mum left. We're poor because of Pa's gambling addiction... and now Michael's just like him, and... I'm sorry, John, I'm crying. I just.... I can't believe I thought they were worried about me. Stupid, I know."

"Don't say that," he said briskly. " They're bastards for pulling something like that."

"I... I know, I know.... I should leave. I can leave tonight. I can hitch a ride or take a cab back or-"

"No!" John interrupted, banging a fist against the door, "You're not going back, alright? We'll think of something together. We can fix this. I mean, family's gotta watch out for family, right? And you're my cousin! I gotta watch out for you!" He paused. I couldn't see him, but I was certain he was grinning, proud of his logic. "Yeah, that makes sense. Now, go on and get out, 'cause I gotta take a piss."

*****

"Fucking hell, Ellen, you're making it fucking hard to be just your cousin, if you know what I mean," he muttered, struggling to look away.

My cheeks scathed red. I shuffled my feet uncomfortably, feeling more exposed than ever now that he's put the perverted notion out there. I mean, this was the closest to naked I've ever been with a boy, after all. I was holding onto that towel for more than just modesty. I was holding onto that towel for dear life.

"J-john, please!" I stuttered, biting my tongue. "I'm sorry, it's just-" He turned around to look at me again, this time with not sexuality, but actual concern. I avoided his gaze immediately, flushing with embarrassment. "I-I mean, can I p-please borrow something to sleep in?"

"I'd offer you my bed, but that's not what you meant, was it?" I looked up again, and he was smirking. I guess compassionate John was gone now. "You're killing me. You know that, right?"

I rolled my eyes, and he leaned back, his voice trailing off. "Hey, don't be cheeky with me...."

"Just look for something, quick!" I whispered back hastily, hearing footsteps down the hall. "Chivvy along now. I'd like to not be naked, if you know what I mean." And I realized that was the most I'd spoken in a while, and I smiled.

"No, I don't know what you mean," he grinned. "I think it would be the best if.... Hey, why are you smiling like that?"

"Oh, come on!" I said, throwing a pillow a him.

"Okay, okay!" he laughed, tossing a white t-shirt my way. "Sorry, love, but that's all I got. It's not like I just go around carrying girls' pants around. I know, disappointing. And there's no way you'd fit in my trousers, either." He paused, "Maybe George's, though."

"Yeah, yeah," I shook my head at idea, though it did humor me. "Thank you."

As he got up to leave me to myself, I spoke up once again.

"Wait, John?" I paused, blushing once more, "Could you do me another favor?"

"What is it now?" he groaned, turning around.

"C-could you maybe fetch me my...." I gulped, "m-my bra? It's on the bathroom counter."

"Are you kidding me?"

*****

"Whose is that?" George's distinguished voice rang through the hallway. I think my heart skipped a beat. It was atrocious enough that John had to know what my bra looked like, but George, too?

"Who's what?"

"Uhm, nevermind," he dismissed, "You haven't seen Ellen, have you? She was taking a shower a few minutes ago, I think. It must be a lot to take in, staying with us and all that, so I thought maybe she just needed some privacy. But she's not in her room, so now I'm a bit concerned."

"Yeah, I have seen her, actually," John said nonchalantly, "Haven't you heard? We're fucking now. This is hers, actually." I peeked out the door, watching John dangle my bra around.

"Oh, put a sock in it, will you?" George scoffed, his cheeks turning pink, "You and Paul have been all over her. She's mine, alright?"

__________________

Hello, hello!

A special note of gratitude goes out to @ti3ie_fano! Louie, I'm not certain you will read this, but thank you for being such a wonderful friend. I have always fallen in love with your stories, and because we're so close in age, you have always been a major writing inspiration to me. ❤

Thank you all for reading this! I know this chapter was rather short, but I must say, I had a great time writing it. I can only hope you fancied reading it as well!

Enjoy,

Marma