The Alpha King's Firefighter/Paramedic Mate

Chapter 30

Jesses POV

I started to feel myself wake up because of the fingers I felt caressing my face and by the sparks I knew it was Riot.

I opened my eyes to be met with his beautiful but concerned brown eyes looking at me.

"How are you feeling?" His soft voice soothing me as he continued caressing me.

I didn't say anything I just shrugged my shoulders before looking away.

Because that's what happens when I try an talk about what happened to me I completely shut down. I don't talk I barely acknowledge anyone some shrugs here and there but that's it.

A sigh escaped his mouth before I felt his fingers on my chin moving my head to have me look at him.

"Are you hungry you had a pretty long nap?" He asked still making me look into his eyes.

Again I didn't say anything I just shrug my shoulders before moving to get up heading to the bathroom to take a shower because I did feel dirty from the impromptu run I took.

When I got into the bathroom I stripped off my clothes throwing them into the hamper before turning on the shower then waited for it to warm up.

After warming up and setting the right temperature I stepped in but before I could shut the door Riot stepped in shutting the door before walking towards me backing me up against the wall.

"Please don't shut me out." He said as he held my face between his hands.

As I looked into his eyes I could see how upset he was that I'm shutting him out and I couldn't help but bring our lips together.

The moment our lips touched I couldn't help but get lost in the moment and I knew I wanted more I need to feel our bodies together to forget just for a little while.

So I jumped up wrapping my legs around his waist and started to grind myself against him getting a growl of approval as our tongues dance together.

But before it could go any further Riot pulled away as I whimpered from the loss of contact.

"Jesse we need to talk about what happened." He said holding me in place looking at me but I could tell he was having a hard time holding back from touching me.

But he's right I need to talk to him besides I rather talk to him than anybody else.

"I shut down and then I started to feel like the room was closing in on me.

Then I started to get the fight or flight feeling and you obviously know which one I chose." I said looking at my mate in the eyes begging him to help me feel better if you know what I mean.

Yes I know I shouldn't make love to him just to escape my problems.

But I can't help it because since we are mates his touch helps me feel better especially when we make love because that makes our bond stronger the more we make love and our emotions feed into each other during sex and the sensation is even more amazing.

"Baby I know it's easier to forget about your problems everytime we make love but they will still be there after and you have to fight through the pain and overcome it.

Because your fear will keep eating at you until there is nothing left do you really want that." He said looking me dead in the eye.

I knew what he was said made a whole lot of sense but I couldn't help but feel a little rejected too.

"No I don't want that you can put me down now." I said looking away from him trying not to cry.

He did as I asked setting me down so I left him in the shower without another word dried off then went back into our room and got back in bed to go back to sleep.

As I got back into bed not even bothering to put clothes on and turned on my side closing my eyes because I'm done with day.

I'm done with everything and then I had a thought that will help take away all this pain.

It's easier than talking and I will finally be at peace.

Maybe I should end it all.