When you're broken, lost and got nothing left to lose... you become bulletproof.
Trying to fix your life back together after having it shaken upside down isn't easy. Getting used to normal when you feel like an outcast in your own skin, isn't easy...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Song: Last first kiss- One Direction
........................................
N O V E M B E R
I could feel my head spinning as I paraded my way through the kitchen, I was a total mess, like I couldn't pinpoint what I needed.
To walk, to rest?
What was I craving? Sweet, salty? Bitter?
My mind was jumping from one thing to another without quite finding what was it what I wanted.
I was just weird like this lately. Especially on mornings, but today it was even worse. Like my skin couldn't contain me and I both wanted to tear it apart and snug into a hole and sleep til it was dark again.
What the hell was it? Was I finally losing my mind because stupid law school?
The warm scent of the wholemeal breath made my mouth water. It was the most delicious thing in the morning, and this one was gluten and leavening free. But just like it happened through these past weeks, the moment I nip at it there was a series of cramps in my guts and a wave of nausea forced me to rush to the bathroom.
What the fuck?
Was I sick? Was that it? I didn't feel sick, it was more like a dizziness, like the scent or taste of certain things... I was like this when I was at the center, unable to keep anything in, but I thought I had gotten over it.
Kinda.
Why was now so unsettled again?
Was I relapsing?
Gosh no.
I cleaned myself up, deciding to get ready and hope for it all to end soon. Usually it gets better along the day and in the afternoon I barely felt anything weird. Fuck, I really hope I haven't messed me up more.
I've been playing fair this past year.
I got ready, picking a simple outfit, having wasted too much time to really put effort on it. Just a lapel skirt with a top and a long blazer. My high boots that went with anything and let my hair down. It was still pretty straight from yeaterday, so it'd have to work.
I eyed the untouched toast and coconut milk, feeling my stomach ached just at the sight and shook my head walking pass. I would be dead hungry again in a few hours, I knew it. It'd been like this the stupid few days. But now I felt... light. Too light for my comfort.
I listened to my father voice mail on the way down, telling me they had a business trip and they'll be back for Thanksgiving, but not earlier.
