This is my own personal shit that I have written. I will finish it here and maybe never return until I get into the same depressing shit again. Hits best when read using dark mode.
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For my Mallow
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Dear, you
I don't know if you are still here looming behind my back and watching my every step. This might clear up to you on who you are, because you reached out to me first, not too long ago. But really, I'm here to ask you to leave me alone.
My dear, you were the most precious thing to me, and I hoped I was the same to you. I have tried decoding your every behavior from the start but I never could. I am here to tell you that I am not the same, and I am even more broken than before. So, please leave me in my misery, my mistletoe.
My love, I am not worth your love, nor your very care, but I still wish to be somewhere near, near that supposed pure heart of yours. Maybe not entirely, but I would be happy if it was just a little bit more near. But, I am here to tell you that, it would sting like needles to me if that were to ever happen.
Baby, you are all I want, and all I would ever need, I would sin for you, I would love for you, I would move on from you, if you ever wanted, I would be the moon to your sun. I can't promise you the stars neither can I tell you I would make everything okay, I can't give you false hope saying that you deserve the world because there are more hard-working people who might be even more deserving than you, I can't tell you I am doing this for you, because I wouldn't be.
I am sincerely doing this because I want this, I want what you have for them, what you seem to have for her. I want that too. I want you to see me the way you look at her, I want you to hold me like I want to hold you, but then it would be like drowning in acid because even after all that longing, you are still a Dahlia.
But you are my Mallow that I want to admire and care for every day. I can't say these words because I'm not sure if they are true, I don't know if this 'I love you' would describe what I feel. So far, I know, this isn't strong enough to be love. But I don't know what this is. Is it obsession? Is this want? Is this love? I don't know. But I want this. Anyway, it would be presented to me. But it would be like swallowing mercury.
You are the forbidden fruit to my garden of Eden, that I want, but cannot have. I am here to tell you, I want you in every way possible knowing that I will die as soon as you allow me to have you, but I don't love you, I don't hate, I want you to know me, see me, but I want to move on from you.
I'm in confusion, denial, and everything else, but baby, I still want you. But, I can't fully accept you, my Mallow. Love me, but help me forget you.
