loverboy - josh kiszka

15.

I was in Josh's bed, still in the same clothes from last night, but missing a sock. I hated sleeping in socks anyways and I knew it was probably hidden somewhere deep in the sheets.

I looked over next to me at Josh who was still passed out and I couldn't help but notice how peaceful he looked when he slept. Maybe I just thought it was peaceful because he wasn't opening his big mouth to say something.

As I looked at him, I thought back to last night and the things he had said to me and I wondered if he meant them. Drunk words were sober thoughts right? Maybe not though. But maybe.

I thought of the way he had fallen asleep with his hand in mine just as we did the last time I stayed over and I felt my face flush. I had no idea what was going on but it felt okay. It was confusing, the way I felt around him. It was even more confusing now that I was laying in his bed thinking of how clean his sheets smelled and how even though he was sleeping with his mouth open, his morning breath didn't seem to bother me.

It was Josh and I knew Josh and it was okay.

Right?

I untangled myself from the sheets and got up, heading towards the bathroom. Sammy was already in there, his hair wet and his clothes sticking to his damp body probably having just showered. "Hey, feeling okay?" I asked, leaning against the doorway.

He shook his wet hair out of his face and turned to grin at me. "I feel great." I raised an eyebrow at him and he smacked his lips together. "I feel like shit. The shower helped though." He said and stepped back a little ways motioning for me to come in.

"I took care of you last night don't worry." I assured him and he brought his hands together, bowing his head to me. "Thank you Po. Somebody had to do the hard job." He joked before continuing nonchalantly, "I see you took care of Josh too."

I felt myself tense up like I had just gotten caught. But I wasn't caught because I hadn't done anything. I turned the faucet on so I could wash my face and gave Sam a shrug just as nonchalant. "Somebody had to do the hard job."

Immediately after I realized how bad it sounded and I knew he had thought the same thing because he burst into laughter. "No Sammy I didn't mean it like that! I just meant-" He was still laughing though and I grinned back at him. "Nothing happened I swear."

He shook his finger at me. "Naughty." He laughed again at himself before lowering his voice, "I'm not gonna say anything. If it was nothing then it was nothing right?" I nodded and he nodded right back. "I got you Po."

He squeezed past me, ruffling my hair as though I was the younger one. "Thank you though for real. For making sure I was okay." Sam said, smiling before disappearing down the hallway. My heart swelled for him. He was like my little Ivy, the baby out of the boys.

I splashed the cold water against my face, trying to scrub the mascara off from under my eyes. I could hear Sam and Danny down in the kitchen, their voices loud, probably trying to find something to eat. I wondered if Jake was still in his bed. I left the bathroom and wandered down the hallway, still in one sock, making my way to Jakes room.

   I knocked first and he called out for me to come in. He was sitting up in his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Hey," He said seeing that it was me, "Where'd you go last night?" I didn't want to lie to him. I never lied to him. "I stayed in Josh's room." I answered, averting my eyes.

   "Oh." He began and I wondered for a split second if he was upset. "You could've stayed in here with me." I knew that. It's probably what I would've done if Josh hadn't asked me to stay with him. "I know. But you were already asleep and I didn't want to wake you up." I explained, knowing even then that it wasn't the complete truth and I felt bad.

   Jake nodded though like it made sense and swung his legs out of the covers to sit on the edge of the bed. I sat down next to him, wondering if I should tell him what happened last night. Before I could he spoke again, "Can I tell you something?"

   He knew. He fucking knew. Of course he did. "I don't think that you should see Oliver." Not what I was expecting. He continued, "I think that it would be like backtracking and you're better than that. You're definitely better than him."

   I had almost forgotten about my conversation with Oliver. "Familiarity is comfortable but that doesn't mean it's always right." He looked concerned for me as he said it, his eyebrows drawn close together. I remembered the times I would call him after Oliver had dropped me off at home, tears in my eyes, upset that he hadn't kissed me goodbye.

   Of course he never kissed me goodbye. I wasn't his girlfriend. But still. It would hurt sometimes. And Jake had always been there to pick up the pieces. "I know." I said because I wasn't sure what else to say.

   "I know it's not the same thing but you've got me Po. And Josh and Sam and Danny. Even Ronnie. We care for you. You're family to me." I hugged him hard even though I knew he wasn't big on hugging but he hugged me back.

   "Am I interrupting something?"

   We both released from our embrace to see Josh standing in the doorway. He was smiling though and when we made eye contact I noticed his ears turn pink.

   "Yes. We were about to have sex." Jake flipped him off and we all laughed. Josh held up his hands in surrender and I saw he was holding my other sock in his hand. He threw it at me. "That's yours."

   "Hmm might be Sammys." I said, pulling it onto my bare foot. "Come on now. Sammy doesn't even wear shoes half the time." Jake said, grinning. Our little barefoot baby. We got up to go join the other two, shuffling behind each other as we went down the stairs.

   I felt a tug at one of my curls and I turned my head to look back at Josh. He gave me a shy smile and I knew then that he had meant everything he said.