loverboy - josh kiszka

22.

I was hungover like a bitch when I woke up that next morning. It took me a minute to figure out where I was before I finally took notice of a snoring Jake next to me. I wondered how I'd even gotten there. I didn't remember us going home. I laid there next to him, replaying the events of last night.

I had kissed Josh and he had kissed me back. My chest started to ache. He had stopped kissing me. He hadn't even smiled at me. He told me he was there with Lily. I felt tears in my eyes again when I remembered how he had just stood there, not looking at me. I was the one that had finally had to go inside.

I felt so fucking embarrassed. How had I let that happen? Hadn't he wanted to kiss me? I wanted to go home. I was in the same house as him and I didn't want to be. I didn't want him to see me. What would I even say?

I poked at Jake's cheek, hoping he'd wake up. He opened one eye lazily. "Hmm?"

"I want to go home."

He opened his other eye, yawning wide and I could still smell the alcohol on his breath. "What for?" He asked, struggling to prop himself up on his side. "I did something stupid last night." I explained, part of me hoping he'd ask and another part of me hoping he wouldn't.

Jake chuckled softly, "I know. Fucking Oliver man." Fuck. So I did a few stupid things last night. I had almost forgot about Oliver. My cheeks went red thinking about how I'd tried to take him upstairs. Jesus Christ.

I didn't say anything, I just nodded my head. I knew I should tell him about Josh and our kiss. I almost didn't, but I didn't want to keep anything from him. "I kissed Josh." I said quickly and his eyes went wide. He was fully awake now.

"Posy, what the hell. When?" He asked, pushing his hair out of his face. I rolled over on my side so we could face each other. "Last night. When he took me outside." I felt embarrassed all over again.

"What happened?"

"He kissed me back. And then he told me..." My voice trailed off, my chest starting to really hurt. I felt like I was going to cry again and I hated it. I felt so stupid. "We don't have to talk about it, it's okay." Jake said reassuringly, his voice calm and soothing.

He never prodded. I shook my head. I wanted to tell him. I had to tell somebody. "He told me that he came with Lily and that I should go find Oliver." I felt my voice catch as I said it and I wanted to slap myself for even thinking about crying.

Before I could even register what was happening, Jake pulled me in for a hug. We laid there like that, my head against his chest, tears streaming down my face. How could I have been so stupid? Of course Josh didn't want to kiss me. I had tried to have sex with my ex and he had obviously come to the party with someone else.

"It'll be okay Po. He'll come around." Jake whispered and I didn't know if I believed him. There was a knock at the door and Sam walked in. "Hey guys, I feel like absolute shit-" He stopped talking when he realized what was going on.

Without even asking, he came over and crawled on the other side of me, wrapping his gangly arms around me. I was surrounded by the only two Kiszka boys who could probably stand me right now. "You okay Po?" He asked, "Do you need me to sing for you?"

I laughed through my tears and the sound threw me off. "That's okay Sammy. Thank you though." I said in a small voice and I could see through my peripheral that he was looking over at Jake trying to see what was wrong.

"Danny and I are making waffles." He said, pulling himself back off the bed. I sat up, wanting so desperately to ask where Josh was. We eventually made our way down to the kitchen and I knew my face was probably blotchy from crying.

Danny offered me a smile, looking like he wanted to ask me what was wrong, but he didn't. He probably knew to just leave it alone. "Just so you know," He began, "That is the last time I am ever babysitting any of you."

We all busted into laughter but even as I laughed, I still hurt. I couldn't get any of it out of my head. "I smell waffles." I heard an approaching voice say and I turned to see Josh. And Lily.

I felt like I was going to throw up. Josh made eye contact with me for a split second, a look on his face I couldn't quite place, but I looked away quickly. My head was pounding and I felt nauseous. Holy shit. She was wearing one of his shirts.

Jake looked over at me, his eyes searching my face. He looked worried. He always looked so worried. I knew the sight of Lily had caught him off guard too. "I'm going to take Posy home. She's got some stuff..." Jake said quickly, trying to come up with some valid reason for why I needed to leave.

"Josh was just about to take me home." Lily said abruptly and I heard Jake smack his lips together. He couldn't stand her. None of them could. I definitely couldn't. Definitely not right now.

I could see Jake and Josh looking at each other and I stared down at the countertop. I knew what was about to happen but still. No fucking way this was my luck. Maybe it was karma.

"Okay, well let's go." Jake said awkwardly and I turned to stare at him. He was already apologizing with his eyes. "Cool, well me and Sam are coming too." Danny said, looking over at me. I felt like I would die for that man in this moment.

Lily made a face but didn't say anything. Sam nodded, "Yeah we're out of milk. We need to go to the store." I knew it was bullshit, they literally had a whole other carton in the fridge but I was so thankful for them.

We all walked out to the big SUV, Jake getting into the drivers side. I walked over to the passenger side, very aware of another set of footsteps behind me. Josh opened the door before I could grab it and I quickly stepped out of the way.

"You can sit in the front. I was just opening the door." He said but he didn't look at me. I shook my head and went to open one of the back doors. I didn't need him doing me any favors.

He stood there for a second before getting in and Lily came around, shoving herself in next to him. I crawled into the backseat next to Sam and Danny, who were sharing nervous glances. "Make room for me Joshie." Lily said and I hated that I was sitting right behind them.

The whole ride over to Lily's house was silent, except for a few whispers coming from her. She was practically in his lap. I felt sick. Sammy tugged at one of my curls in an attempt to make me smile and I tried to give him one but I felt like I was going to throw up.

When they dropped Lily off, she hugged Josh, pulling him in close before glancing back at me. "Cute hair Posy." She said, raising her eyebrows. I self consciously reached up to touch my hair, realizing how wild and messy it looked.

What a bitch.

When she started walking away, Jake drove off before even making sure she was in her house. I hoped she'd trip and break her ankle in the driveway. "Your hair looks spectacular." Danny assured me and I noticed Josh shift in his seat.

"Thank you." I said quietly, catching Jake's eye in the rearview mirror. He looked pained and I knew the look on my face wasn't much better. When he pulled up to my house, Danny and Sam told me goodbye, Sam swearing to God that if I didn't answer his calls, he'd leave me more insane voicemails.

I got out of the SUV and started walking up the sidewalk. Jake's window rolled down. "Do you want me to come in?" He yelled out at me and I turned around. I could see Josh staring down at his lap and I nodded.

Jake motioned for him to get in the drivers side as he got out of the car, hurrying to catch up with me. Josh got out and walked over to get in the drivers side, glancing at me only once. He didn't look happy.

Good.

Jake and I went inside and I immediately walked back to my bedroom. As soon as we were inside, Jake pulled me close again and I cried against his chest.