My Boys

Chapter One - Cracked Screen

Dear Diary,
I've decided to keep you to chronicle the growth of the boys & just in case something happens to me they'll have my words, my feelings to remind them of my imperfections, my love for them and my desires for them.

I don't envision hot affairs with the boys next door, nor do I see my husband having an affair. I pray I will nip denial in the bud if that time ever comes and handle my business. So my loves, always know that you hold my heart.

Your father stole it long before we thought we could ever have two delightful princes in our lives and you've held my heart since I laid eyes on you. Your father is a good man and a great father. I wouldn't wish anyone else for you, ever. There are so many beautiful, wealthy men who would've taken you as their own as well but as you hold my heart so you hold his.

As you grow, we may all lose sight of that. He's always right. Listen to him.

It's okay to get mad. It's not okay to take it out on each other ;that goes for all three of you. Don't speak when you're angry, I know you'll lie.

I can see you growing into beautiful men both inside and out. Just like your daddy.

Michael, your humour and ability to call out your daddy are indispensable. Stay true to yourself my love.

Jeffrey, my sweet, dependable child; your common sense is uncommon and your thoughtfulness almost breaks my heart. Don't change to make others happy.

Daddy, father of my two precious gifts, I hope I bring sunlight into your life. Sometimes I worry that you're so busy you would forget I am, if you didn't come home to us every night. You have a heart of gold covered in camouflage. I still see glimpses of the sweet bartender I fell in love with decades ago and seeing you smile makes everything we've worked hard to put in place worth it. Your happiness and sanity are important to us all. I hope you remember to spend weekends at home like we'd agreed before we had the boys.

Troy stopped reading his wife's diary and swallowed hard. She knew. Why hadn't she told him she was sick before?

Had she said something he'd brushed off? He ran a hand over his forehead and rested it on the back of his head. Shit, he thought, maybe she had.

Looking at the time he swore again. The boys had under half an hour to get to school and he hadn't sorted out their sandwiches, juice- Damn it, Evelyn had always made it seem like a piece of cake.

Closing the diary and noting that there were many mini-bookmarks with the boys' initials he blinked back the moisture that threatened to spill over his lower eyelids. Clearing his throat and grabbing the jacket of his grey suit, his wallet and car keys he looked over their bedroom. The neatly made bed, the tidiness of the bedroom didn't reflect the turmoil within him.

Hurriedly closing the door and heading down the hall calling the names of the boys as he headed towards the staircase he made a mental note to ask Mike and Jeff what their sports schedules were like for the next few weekends. Trust his wife to call him out on a promise he'd made her long before they'd planned for the boys. Chuckling to himself as he reached the bottom of the stairs, he caught Jeff as he felt his legs buckle with the impact of a small body slamming into his calf.

Holding his son's shoulders and squatting to look into the boy's eyes he grimaced as he realized his jacket was now sweeping the floor from his son's shoulder. Before he could get a word out his youngest son's hazel eyes brimmed with tears and with a voice higher than normal the child spoke, "Daddy, Mike took my sandwich."

Troy frowned, confused, "Your sandwich?" he asked his son.

"Mummy makes our sandwiches every night before we go to sleep then we help her put them together in the morning. My sandwich was in the fridge. Mike's is half done." Jeffrey Matthew's lip trembled as a sign that he was seconds from bawling. In the corner of his eye, Troy saw his eldest son observing his every move.