Sadning inclination

REASONS

Hi....dont care if anyone reads this, just thought of pouring my feelings somewhere else other than keeping them inside
If u do read, i would like some advice on how to handle this. Please dont criticise me cause my life has been full of that....and more so im asking nicely.
My name is liam and im 18, a trans guy but i haven't done anything yet due to the fact that i have no money for all the shit i need to start the processes. I guess ill have to wait awhile
Im inlove with this amazing guy, sadly for me he's straight,but when i told him about me he accepted it and still said that he wanted to be with me and that we would deal about my "process" when it arrives. He's 23 and very cute, since im 18 and mostly innocent.....having a boyfriend was and is very new...and him being my first everything kinda made things alot weird for me. He was pretty gental and sweet when he .......... .and i really didnt know how to react after that, it seemed very normal to me . I felt safe and free to be me around him. And after that day ,all i wanted was to be with him , to hold him and to love him. I might be 18 but with him i act like im 5 ....silly me, i get it. Even though i hate the way my body looks, when im with him all of that just disappears and all i think of is him and how beautiful he looks and how happy he makes me when we just sit there and cuddle for hours on end. How his kisses made me high, how his smile made my heart skip a beat, how him holding me and calling my name made me feel safe and all of that still happens even after 5 months. Ill always feel like this when im around him

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Anyways....back to venting😅

Here ill call him gift, since thats what he is to me. I never thought id ever have someone like him in my life and ill never find someone like him ever.
The thing is.....I'm a loving person, and i care alot, and yes you can call me naive but when i love .....i love with all my being.
Yes i will worry when there's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Yes i will send you a message every morning til every night telling how much you mean to me.
And ,yes i will send you every encouraging message just to make your day feel less stressed and id cheer you on even if there's no hope left inside of you.
I am that charing and id do anything for the one i love, it might seem like im being childish and needy but im not. All i wanna do is make life alittle easier when your around me.....thats all i wish for when im around the one i love.

But if im the only one that feels this way that means that the love i thought we had is actually ONE SIDED,cause i dont feel it like i used to....it seems like his distancing himself from me after we've only been together for 4 month's.
If breaking up with me is what he wants then he should just tell me cause this sadness i have every night is starting to hurt me more than i thought it would, but i guess thats what happens when love controls your emotions. Sad for me i guess 😔🤷‍♂️

But even though I love him deeply, i still dont know what to do or how to tell him how i feel and the fact that he's moving out of his mom's house makes it worse cause he's moving far and i dont think I'll ever see him again.