The Fault in my Fro

Chapter One - Fighting Razors

I wake up, sweat dripping from my afro. Naturally, I caress my fingers through it and feel the slick, wiry mane; soothing my nerves.

One dream haunts me. A constant reminder of my past. In a sticky, smelly barbershop I watch my luscious afro fall to the tiled floor and strike it with its grease.

After repeatedly having this dream I know something's wrong.

I decide to go to our local Afro Support Group, held in 'Lenny's Cut 'n Fro'.

When I arrive at the shack-like barber shop, Lenny tells me to take a seat in literally the scalp of Javi's afro.

My name is Afrogustus Waters. I've been battling afro withdrawal all my life.

Sitting in the clipping filled seats, I observe my surroundings. A clock; made of afro clippings. A broom; most likely to collect the afro clippings and then later use them as time pieces. And lots of afros.

One afro in particular, however, catches my eye. The glint of the grease. The squeal of the lice. That's when I see her. Her eyes squinty and beady. The most stunning girl I've ever seen. Dandruff outlining her complexion.

My friend, Isaac, is at the ASG (Afro Support Group) because he lost both his Afros in one World Wars. He suffered and continues to suffer from Post Trafromatic Stress Disorder.

Lenny sat in the scalp, strumming his guitar. He sang a variety of songs. Some about how influential afros are, others about respecting your afro and everybody else's afro.

I stared at the girl. Every so often she would look at me too. Checking me out. I know she liked what she saw. Who wouldn't? People voted me nicest afro in Hair Weekly.

After what seemed like an eternity of listening to Lenny's raspy voice over his untuned guitar and seeing his grey afro bop up and down, Isaac; sitting next to me, revealed her name. Hazel. Hazel Grease Lafrocaster. I like the way it roles of my tongue. Like vinegar.

Apparently, she's here because she had to donate her Afros to the less frotunate.

After the gathering of afro's, I sauntered over to where Hazel stood waiting for her moms silver Toyfrota RAV4.

Although she has a plump body, you'd never know. Hazel accentuated her artificial curves. She wore a dulcet yellow tee; bringing out the grease in her afro. Her sweatpants; green. And a brown leopard print belt swaddled her waist. Ratty tennis shoes leave her ankle hair exposed. And finally, a small, wooly ball of hair; an afro, makes for a delicious look.

I pulled out a pair of clippers and pointed them at my Afro. She looked at me-her eyes skeptical-like I was crazy. I didn't blame her, considering she had to donate her life savings of Afros.

"What do you think you're doing? Are you crazy?" She said with a nervous look on her face, "Do you have any common sense. Some of us had to give away all the Afros we saved. You're lucky that you still have one."

I looked at her with a smile.

"What?" She said defensively.

"Hazel Grease," I smirked. "Its a metafro, you see? You do the thing that does the cutting right in front of your Afro, but you don't give it the power to chop it off."

She looked at me in awe, a drip of sweat curling around her hair line. She bite her scaly lip; a fetish of hers I noticed.

After exchanging conversation I made a bold move. I invited Hazel to come my house. Uneasily, she accepted.

I directed Hazel Grease to my old, beaten up car. She had to maneuver her afrogyn tank into the vehicle. When she was seated and buckled in she heaved heavily. I looked at her. Her face reddened with embarrassment. I smiled and her shame melted into a slimy grin.

When we were parked in my driveway, I warned her of my parents 'outgoing' personalities.

"Now I know where you get it from." She laughed, short of breathe, so it was really more of a wheezing sound.

I got out of the car and open her door for her. The handle smeared in grease.

As we approached the door, Hazel looked at me cautiously.

"I barely know you and already I'm meeting your parents," she grinned. "I hope I make a good impression."

I smiled, baring my impeccable teeth.

"Oh, you will."