What the Water Gave Me

Chapter Fifteen

BOOK TWO

 

Chapter Fifteen

Steve returned home alone. He spent the rest of the day cleaning up his house. He threw out the fish in the kitchen and scrubbed the blood out of the carpet and put his wet, fishy-smelling sheets into the washing machine. He didn’t know if anything could be done about his wet mattress, and it smelled very, very strongly of fish and Bucky and so in the end, he dragged it outside and threw it in the dumpster. He slept on the floor that night, the spot he would have had Bucky not insisted on being held, had not given him those searching, heartbroken eyes.

He felt the house was surprisingly quiet without Bucky to talk to and spend time with and haul around.

In the morning, Steve went down to the market and saw Harry there. He saw red and Harry left with a broken nose.

Afterwards, Steve ran down to the beach and sat at the edge of the water and waited. He waited all day and Bucky didn’t show up and Steve finally left, defeated.

He waited at the beach for Bucky for days, each day losing more and more hope, and a few weeks into this routine, a few of his crew members approached him with news.

The Commando had been repaired and the cargo ship was ready to sail again.

“Give me a few more weeks,” Steve begged. “Just a little while longer, please. I want to be here if he comes.”

It wasn’t long before Steve lost almost everyone. None of his old friends could get through to him and he didn’t feel much of a desire to try because he knew they all agreed with Harry. His crew were starting to get antsy and he heard rumors that a couple of them were going to look for other work if Steve didn’t get back into action soon.

“Bucky,” Steve said to the water one day. “Where are you?” The sea was silent. Steve closed his eyes. “I wanted to tell you. I had to tell you-” He stopped, his throat closing up. “I’ll just tell the ocean now and maybe…” He scrubbed at his eyes. “Maybe you’ll hear it. I wanted to say I love you, too, okay? I hadn’t told you yet, because I thought we had more time, but you’re probably dead now because I let you go.” Steve hugged himself. “They say if you love someone, you let them go and if they love you, they’ll come back.” He choked back a sob and squeezed himself tighter. “Where are you? You were supposed to come back! I hadn’t told you yet, so you were supposed to come back!!”

Steve broke and loud sobs escaped him. He picked up rocks and threw them into the ocean and waded in knee-deep to scream at the vast water, kicking at the sand, slapping at the surface. He dropped to his knees.

“You were supposed to come back, you idiot, you were supposed to be back here!!” He screamed. “I don’t need you, FINE! Stay away!! See if I care!! I don’t need you and your stupid face and your stupid eyes and your stupid tail with your frigging everything so stupid!! I hate you, I don’t care!!” Steve wept loudly and kicked at the water again, ending up on his butt. “Go be dead, I don’t care,” he cried. “You’ve died on me once before! Shoulda guessed you’d do it again you unreliable shit!!”

Steve dragged himself back onto land once he was too exhausted to scream and sob anymore and he went home and sat alone in his tub and the next day, he called his crew together and got on The Commando and left the familiar beach behind.