My Little Dumpster Gremlin [Spamton G. Spamton x Reader Crackfic]

[Chapter: 1]

One day, you decided to take a wee stroll down the side streets of Cyber World, your home-sweet-home. There wasn't a particular reason for your sudden urge to adventure about in the dark passageways, except that you yearned for the day that you find a hyper, stubby little sales-man-robot-puppet man thing that hides out in a dumpster in back alleys. But, when you really scrutinize that thought, it sounds far too specific and too good to be true. You sighed, wiping the drool that began to pool out of your mouth while you thought such dastardly thoughts and bore your eyes into the pavement as you approached a secluded alleyway, slightly perking at the sight.

Oh, how you loved ominous alleys, how you loved getting mugged on a late Friday night, you wish you could go back to simpler times. We all do love simpler times, do we not? Ambling into the little side street, you didn't fail to notice the single forest-green dumpster placed against one of the decrepit, brick walls. For some strange reason, you found this particular dumpster rather... interesting. It was difficult for you to put into words, but you were somehow drawn to it. It might have been the putrid smell resonating from whatever lay inside that lured you in, or maybe your destiny lay inside? Despite the reasons, you claimed this positive energy, beginning to approach it cautiously, but eagerly.

However, before you could take two steps, the dumpster shook once, twice, then it began to tremble as if something was rummaging around inside. You froze and eyed the garbage container with curiosity, praying to Bingus that it wasn't that short, pudgy little blue spade boy that smothered you with horrible jokes last time. Suddenly, a head popped out and jerked its head from side to side, his jet-black, gelled-back hair reflecting the dim lighting, before locking onto your idle form. His eyes seemed to light up from behind his neon pink and yellow spectacles.

"OH, WOW!!! IT'S A [valued customer] PERSON!! ALL ALONE THIS ALLEYWAY!!! AHEHAHhhhehehHEHa-!" The man spoke, cutting himself off when he rumbled and tumbled out of the confines of the dumpster. However, he quickly recovered, dusting himself on with his dirtied, gloved hands.

"YOU'RE A [single hot ladies in your area] LIGHT <nEr, AREN'T YOU? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR'ReE KIND HERE SINCE [1997 is the best year [The best!]] SINCE FOREVER!! THE NAME'S SPAM- SPAMTON G. SPAMTON." He strutted up to you with confidence and presented a hand to you. He was a bit shorter than you, however, his tall hair seemed to add a few inches to his height.

The man flashed an award-losing smile at you, although you seemed to be more interested in his fat ass- sorry, I dropped my phone. I meant fat assertiveness, for he seemed to be quite enthusiastic despite coming from a literal dump. What did you think I was going to say?

With wide, unblinking eyes, you extended your hand and shook his. Just when you thought his grin couldn't get any wider, it did. He seemed rather happy that you didn't run away. Although... is there a reason you should?

"M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-my-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y my-myy-y-yy-my name-e-ee--eee-e--e-ee--e-e's Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y/n." You stuttered like porky the godamn pig.

Spamton opened his mouth as if he was about to speak but then closed it. He removed his hand from yours and very obviously wiped it on his filthy suit in disgust. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Speak dammit [Weird little shit] That's what I'm saying!" He blurted. "Wait, AHAHHhahahHAhahaAAA I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING SUCH THINGS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE [little lady on a late night] Ahem, sorry. Just ignore that, I want to show you something cool. something that will make you a [BIG SHOT! DON'T YOU WANT TO BE A BIG SH-] goddamn. Don't look at me funny I can't help it, dammit." He seemed to be in a quarrel with himself, although you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off of him.

His stubbiness, his formal attire, his wacky glasses, his gel-encrusted-unwashed hair. Hnghhh, one step under running water and he'd disintegrate. Just the thought made you nut 12 times. You imagined how he could Aethiocarenus Burmanicus a mosquito in his hair any day. Good lord, he was the man for you.

"Father? Sincerest apologies. Father? Sincerest apologies. Father? Sincerest apologies..." You began to repeat, causing the stubby little man to halt and very slowly and dramatically turn his head towards you, he side-eyed you for a moment before turning back around and continuing to lead you away. "That's kind of sussy." You could hear him mutter under his breath.

You wondered where this stinky little gremlin could be taking you, but you'll just have to find out in the next chapter. Vote right now. Go on.