Farewell

Prologue

Prologue

I wipe my tears that continue flowing on my face. Tumingin ako sa lalaking pinaka mamahal ko. He's crying, he's hurting... but I know... he knows what the best in this relationship.

"Is this really the only way?" He ask painfully.

"Y-yeah" I replay almost choking at my own word while nodding.

"It's really tragic" The unbearable pain that i felt a while ago is now beyond unbearable.

Mas lalo pang nadadagan ang sakit dahil sa sumunod nitong salita.

"So I guess, this is goodbye" ngumiti sya ng mapait. I can see that he wants to beg for me to stay. But he restrain himself. Even it's break his heart, he restrain himself.

He is really smart. Yan ang nagustohan ko sa kanya. He knows how to make the best decisions. But now, he had only one choice...

And that is... to let me go. To forget what happened to us. To forget everything...

He still choose it without hesitation beacause it will just hurt me, us... if we stay together. He always choose what the best for me. He is not selfish.

He is always my smartass. My man. My home. My shelter. My happiness. My love. My everything.

He's always right. But he is not the only one who needs to choose and make decision. I also needs to choose and make decision. Because were not meant to each other.

We cant be together...

It's forbidden.

I sigh hoping that this pain to fade away with it. I was about to speak my final word when he hug me.

"Can we stay like this for a moment, Vana... " I remain frozen for a minute. Shock by his sudden movement. Pero unti-unti ko rin tinaas ang dalawa kong kamay at niyakap sya pabalik.

I heard him sob at yumugyug ang kanyang mga balikat. And it makes me feel shitty.

Pilit Kong nilabanan ang aking matunog na pag iyak. Ayokong dagdagan ang sakit na nararamdaman nya.

Gusto Kong malaman nya na may karamay sya. Hindi ko sya iiwan permanently... ngayon lang ito... Ngayon lang natin mararamdaman ang sakit... Sa susunod na mga araw babalik na tayo sa dati, just like how we are before we met... hindi na kagaya ng dati... na ganito.

But even wala na kami. Maari nya parin akong lapitan. Maari nya parin akong hingan ng tulong. Maari ko parin syang suportahan.... Sa ibang paraan...

I hush him and pat his back. And tell him that it's okay.

"It's not okay Vana" he cried. My heart broke into million pieces just by hearing his cry. Parang my biglang dumagan sa aking dibdib and squeezing it para mahirapan akong huminga. I close my eyes... I don't want to do this...

but I need to...

Bago pa ako mag break down sa harap nya ay humiwalay na ako sa yakap nya.

Mabilis akong tumalikod and step few step trying to distance my self from him. I don't want him to see na nahihirapan rin ako.

"Baby..." He tried to stop me from stepping away but i continue.

After a few step I stop.

"Travis..." I breathe and try to calm my self. "R-remember to continue... a-and d-don't stop living... I-I-I want you to continue your life t-the way you used to be...before I..." I stop for a moment stop my voice from shaking and took a few deep breath  " I enter y-your life... I w-want you to live happy. hmm?..." I stop again and swallowed hard,  trying to stabilize again my voice.

I wipe a few tears on my face and look up to stop the new batch of tears from falling again

Every word that I utter... it's like a knife that continue to pierce into my heart.

I clench my fist. Kaya ko to. Vana your a strong girl right? Kaya mo to kaunting tiis na lang. I motivated my self. I breathe again. Kaya ko to.

"Vana... B-baby..." Biglang nanginig ang aking mga tuhod. When i heard him call me... in almost begging word. The courage that I'm trying to build moments ago shattered in an instant... It made me weak naparang gusto ko na lang talikuran ang lahat even my belief to be with him and stay by his side. How I wish to turn back the time. Where we still not knowing anything and just continue being ignorant to the world.... How i wish that i could cry in his arm and feel his warmth to assured me that everything is going to be alright... I wish to remain in those memory where we are so happy... laughing... like there is no tomorrow... How i wish... How i wish that im brave enough to choose him agianst all the people around me, against all my belief, against all odd...

I remain still and keep my self from running toward him, hearing his voice made my heart melt.

I tried to compose my self, even though i keep failing...

"Remember what i said Travis? If you don't want me to get mad at you... Continue your happy life... I'm just around...watching you from afar..." I control my voice at pilit pinatatag ang sarili.

"Sorry but... our story is written in different and separate pages...We have different ending... " I pause for a moment

"We are not the endgame of our own story..."

And just like that with bleeding heart I ran away from him. And whispered my last parting word for him, hoping that the wind blew it and whispered it to him.

"farewell Travis... farewell my Love..."

~Invictusz